- Scrolling through Instagram blah, blah, blah.
- Ugh, of course, Sarah got engaged. Whatever, “like,” keep going.
- Ew ugh my ex. Why do I even still follow him?
- WAIT STOP.
- GO BACK.
- IS THIS A NEW GIRLFRIEND?
- Oh my God.
- *screenshot immediately*
- Who is this girl?
- Her name is so weird, what.
- Seriously what kind of a name is “Abby”?
- So basic.
- She looks…decent.
- No fuck, she’s pretty.
- Ugh and she’s fashionable.
- Dammit she’s way prettier than me.
- Is this the first pic he’s posted with her?
- Of course it is, I would have had this freak out already.
- Let’s look at her account.
- FUCK private.
- So she’s got something to hide.
- What sorority is she in?
- Do I know anyone in that at her school?
- Let’s check Greekrank.
- HA bottom tier, that’s what I thought.
- Let’s see what my BFF thinks.
- Okay solid, she said I’m way prettier.
- Which I am, right?
- Shut up, of course I am.
- Meanwhile, he’s gained weight.
- And what the hell is that facial hair?
- Clearly he has let himself go.
- I wonder what this “Abby” character thinks about it.
- Poor thing doesn’t even know what she’s getting herself into.
- Current bae is so much cuter.
- Maybe I should send this to him so we can LOL together.
- Or will I seem crazy?
- I’ll probably seem crazy.
- Okay I won’t.
- I’ll send it to the group text instead.
- Phew they all agree I’m prettier.
- I knew I had the right friends.
- Okay I’m gonna unfollow him now.
- Just to see if Miss Abby sticks around.
- Fuck it, I am crazy.
….well…. maybe I’ll give it a little longer.