1. “You have Greek Life?!” is somewhat of a legitimate question for your college.
2. There are a whopping total of 4 sororities at your school.
3. Having mixers with sports teams is completely normal.
4. Because having mixers with the same 3 fraternities every week is enough to make you want to bash your head in.
5. It’s not weird being Facebook friends with your professor.
6. Or having their phone number.
7. Or having dinner at their house, babysitting their kids, or drinking with them.
8. Bullshit classes include “South Park and Contemporary Social Issues,” “Introduction to African Drumming,” and “Baseball: An American Pastime.”
9. You didn’t have a sorority house because of some weird, possibly fake law about a certain number of women living together and brothels.
10. It is very possible to have sex with an entire fraternity.
11. Because there are fraternities that have 12 members in their chapter.
12. After only making out with one member of a fraternity, everyone at your school knows about it.
13. Also, you literally see him everywhere on campus because your campus is smaller than a football stadium.
14. When your entire sorority’s chapter is still smaller than a single pledge class at Alabama.
15. You’re not just in a sorority, you’re also the SGA Treasurer, captain of the Golf Team, an RA, delegate for your school’s Student Athlete Advisory Council, and maintain a solid 3.5 GPA.
16. If you’re not in Greek life or playing a sport then you’re irrelevant.
17. You contemplate skipping class, even though its a 6 minute walk away.
18. But know you really can’t because there are only 12 people in your class and you’ve already skipped this week.
19. It’s better than that time you had 5 people in your class.
20. 98% of the Board of Trustees are Greek Alum.
21. But you wouldn’t know it with the way the administration treats Greek Life.
22. Your test bank and notes drawer are both pretty small because the majority of papers assigned to you are reflection papers that you do at 3am the morning it’s due, completely hammered after a night at the bar.
23. You do, however, always get an A on those papers because you have mastered the art of bullshit.
24. You don’t have a Director of Greek Life, just the Director of Student Engagement, who oversees all clubs and organizations on your campus.
25. Student Orgs include things such as Gerontology Club, Cheese Club, Equestrian Club, and of course Humans vs Zombies.
26. Recruitment is only 5 days long, thank God.
27.But you practice for it like it’s a month long.
28. Your sports are DIII, but you use any sporting event as an excuse to drink.
29. People underestimate how much your school as a whole drinks. Like, its not uncommon for visitors from big schools to pass out early on in the day because they can’t keep up.
30.There isn’t really a “middle tier” for greeks. You’re either top tier or no one wants to associate with you.
31. There really isn’t any hazing. Like, at all. It’s too easy to get caught and kicked off of campus.
32. Well, sororities don’t haze. The boys can get a little weird.
33. Everyone assumes that because you went to a “liberal arts” college, you’re a huge hippie and complete your philanthropy hours by attending protests. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
34. They also assume your classes are filled with people named “Tako with a K.” In reality, that only happened one time in a philosophy class you needed for a graduation requirement. Gawd.
35. You wear stuff you found at Goodwill to the annual Baseball House Tacky Christmas Sweater Party, others at your school wear it…to wear it.
36. It’s not weird having alumnae in the Peace Corps.
37. When you graduate, you either have a secure job thanks to your awesome networking abilities…or you’re a bartender. #whatever
38. Your school’s brochures are a fucking joke. They have every minority represented in their pictures, yet you have never seen these people on campus. Seriously, where are they?
39. There are buildings on your campus that are older than some sororities in the NPC.
40. The same people who bitch about greeks are the same people who would be completely lost without greeks.
41. You know how to appease any of your professors by writing a paper condemning all major media outlets, even though that’s where you get 95% of your news from.
42. It’s not even worth saying where you went to college because no one has heard of it.
43. Your classmates annoy the shit out of you, or at least they would if you could stop pinning or stay awake long enough in class to care.
44. The day they put a Starbucks on campus is in the top 10 greatest days of your college career.
45. NorthFace, black yoga pants or leggings, and Uggs. It’s your unwritten uniform.
46. Everyone bitches about how they can’t wait to leave and graduate, yet they keep coming back to visit once they do.
47. No matter how ridiculous your experience was, you wouldn’t change it at all. Maybe.
Nice Move475
Respond
Hakuna Moscato
Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.
@HakunaMoscato
