47 Thoughts You Have On The Flight Back From Spring Break


  1. Why are planes so loud?
  2. And so bright?
  3. Are there always this many kids on planes?
  4. This is the first time I’ve been sober in seven days.
  5. I wonder if the flight attendant will accept my fake ID.
  6. Actually, I may vomit if I even smell alcohol.
  7. If we don’t take off soon, I’m going to start crying louder than that kid.
  8. Oh, finally.
  9. Oh no.
  10. I can feel that margarita from last night.
  11. This is not good.
  12. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
  13. Being on a flight with this hangover is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
  14. Worse than getting gonnerhea last year.
  15. Worse than failing an entire semester of classes.
  16. Am I dying right now?
  17. What’s that smell?
  18. It smells like Malibu.
  19. Oh, it’s me. I’m the degenerate who smells like coconut rum.
  20. Did I drink this morning? I wish I remembered.
  21. There’s not a whole lot I do remember, actually.
  22. Like how I got these cornrows.
  23. Or this sunburn.
  24. My whole body hurts.
  25. Does the flight attendant have aloe?
  26. Or Advil?
  27. Or some way for me to regain my sense of dignity?
  28. I’m just going to listen to some music and try to pass out so I don’t have to endure any  more embarassment.
  29. Is that sand in my ear?
  30. I really hope that’s sand.
  31. I wonder if TSA will search my bag.
  32. Hope they like damp clothing soaked in alcohol.
  33. Will they arrest me for not washing my clothes?
  34. Or for the ten shot glasses I brought back?
  35. I hope those don’t break.
  36. I wrapped them in my bikinis, they should be good.
  37. I mean those do have a ton of padding.
  38. So much for my spring break diet.
  39. It’s okay, I looked hot anyways.
  40. Or at least drunk me thought I was hot.
  41. And all of those guys I hooked up with.
  42. Margaritas are practically fruit, anyways.
  43. I just won’t drink for a while.
  44. Except tonight at the SB post-game.
  45. And then we have Tequila Tuesday.
  46. And I should probably celebrate after Wednesday’s midterm.
  47. Eh, fuck it.

Image via Shutterstock

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PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at (note the single PSL).

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