48 Life Victories That Make You Feel Like A Mother F-ing Boss

48 Things

  1. When you sink the first cup in beer pong.
  2. Well, let’s be honest, when you sink any cup in beer pong.
  3. Parking like a boss on your first try and having your passengers be eternally impressed.
  4. When you take a shot and don’t make an unattractive face.
  5. When you make the perfect sandwich (insert anti-feminist joke here). But really, you try making the perfect low-cal California club.
  6. When you don’t know if he’s going to pay, but then he whips out his wallet.
  7. When he orders dessert. For you. Without you asking or drooling on the menu.
  8. When you get a compliment on your hair even though you didn’t wash it.
  9. When you get a compliment on your hair, because yeah, you spent three hours washing it, blow drying it straight, then curling it–and yes, it does look fan-fucking-tastic, so thank you for noticing.
  10. When you do a really awesome dance move and everyone circles around you, cheering and chanting your name.
  11. Or, like, you at least don’t look like your usually spastic, lanky, uncoordinated self.
  12. When you get to pass the asshole who cut you off in the first place. #NobodyPutsBabyInACorner
  13. Getting a lot of “likes” on something you didn’t even try at.
  14. Getting a lot of “likes” on something you tried really hard at because yes, I’m funny, and yes, people like me.
  15. When he says he likes blondes, and you’re a blonde.
  16. When he says he likes blondes and you’re a brunette, but you’re obviously hot enough to win him over anyway.
  17. Getting a free drink just for having a wonderful personality. Or a vagina. One or the other.
  18. When you paint your fingernails and they dry much faster than you expected.
  19. When, against all odds, you leave late and arrive early.
  20. When your song comes on at a party and you give your friend that “OMG this is my song” look and she looks back at you with an “OMG this is your song” look.
  21. Pushup bras tricking people into thinking you have a chest.
  22. Being #blessed enough to not even need a pushup bra (hate you).
  23. Bringing the optimistic “too small” size into the dressing room and finding it actually fits.
  24. Successfully only eating half of your giant, artery-clogging meal.
  25. Successfully eating all of your giant, artery-clogging meal. #NoRagrets
  26. Pulling a hangnail off without too much pain.
  27. Not having to be DD.
  28. Turning on the television right when a “Sex and the City” marathon starts.
  29. Everyone mutually deciding to not go out, so you get your way but you aren’t the bad guy for canceling.
  30. Receiving a double text from the guy you always want to double text.
  31. Having a Pinterest success instead of the usual fail.
  32. Not drunkenly taking off your blister-inducing heels until you actually make it home (or wherever home is for the night).
  33. When your phone doesn’t die until it actually gets to 1 percent.
  34. Convincing your parents that the money really IS going to a good cause.
  35. The fact that, after years of insisting you would never like it, you now consider beer a good cause. Because it is.
  36. Going to a party thinking someone you hate is going to show up, but he or she doesn’t.
  37. Winning a heated, online debate with a perfectly placed GIF.
  38. Waking up on time and not hitting the snooze button.
  39. Well, not hitting it more than twice.
  40. Having the perfect exit line when you’re leaving a group of people.
  41. When you wrap a present so well, it should be the gift itself.
  42. Having the cleverest outfit at an ABC party.
  43. Being begged to “hang with the guys,” despite the fact that you aren’t a guy.
  44. Remembering the Netflix password of someone you no longer speak to.
  45. Forgetting how to spell your ex’s last name.
  46. Making cake pops look like cake pops.
  47. Having someone come up to you and think you’re Kate Upton, Mila Kunis, or Blake Lively.
  48. Realizing that last one will never happen, but feeling pretty good about yourself anyway. #YouGoGlennCoco

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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