48 Signs You’re A Shopaholic

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Shopping is therapy. It is a sport. It is your happy place. It puts you in control. It lets you show your creativity (and wealth). It is the only time when you truly feel one with your inner spirit. It’s a bonding moment, a social outing, or a private evening with your favorite person: yourself. This is all fine and dandy until you bottom-out at Barneys and spend the next three months in rehab like the notorious Babe Walker. No one wants that to happen to you, so here are some signs that you, too, might be a shopaholic. Beware.

  1. You already have your winter boots picked out by the middle of summer.
  2. As you’re reading this, there are at least a dozen shopping sites pulled up on your browser.
  3. During an online shopping spree, you just put everything you could potentially buy in your cart and then spend hours narrowing down the best options.
  4. You have a wish list on practically every designer’s site.
  5. You have a sixth sense for when sales are coming.
  6. You’ve memorized all of your credit card numbers, expiration dates, and security codes.
  7. You’ve established a group text just to make sure your potential purchases are, in fact, as cute as you think they are.
  8. Going to the mall is actually a more strenuous workout than going to the gym.
  9. You have to strategically do laundry in rotations so that you have enough room in your closets and dressers for all of your clean clothes to fit.
  10. You have a different scarf for every day of the month.
  11. You take buying the perfect present to a whole new level.
  12. Your holidays are scheduled around the related sales at your nearest outlets.
  13. You get endless compliments on just about everything you wear.
  14. Your jewelry box is more of a treasure chest.
  15. Your back-to-school list consists of designer picture frames, agendas, book bags, paperweights, staplers, pens, binders, notebooks, and folders, just to name a few things.
  16. When something doesn’t match quite right, it sets off your whole mood.
  17. Deciding what to wear for the day takes entirely way too much effort.
  18. Losing one earring from a pair is quite possibly the saddest thing you have ever endured.
  19. “Mom, don’t tell Dad, but can you put money in my account? It’s for…books.”
  20. “Dad, don’t tell Mom, but can you put money in my account? It’s for…books.”
  21. You used your “book” money to buy a new pair of Loubs for recruitment.
  22. If someone can’t find something to wear, she never hesitates to come to you.
  23. When you discovered Super Target, you dropped to your knees and surrendered any remaining ability to even.
  24. “I wonder if I can get that monogrammed?”
  25. “My birthday is coming up anyway.”
  26. “But my little and I would look so cute in these matching bows.”
  27. Half of your closet is filled with random costumes and themed outfits–you know, just in case there is a mixer for it.
  28. Your decked-out dorm room is always a showcase for PNMs.
  29. Genuinely getting excited when people say, “I love your ____! Where did you get that?”
  30. But you don’t need to ask people where they got something. You already know from stalking so many retailers.
  31. You have a mental list of all the shopping centers within a 100 mile radius of home, school, your favorite vacation spots, and your distance relatives’ homes.
  32. You get text messages from retailers.
  33. You have it marked on your calendar when new arrivals are going to come out.
  34. You have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to your dream closets.
  35. So. Many. Shoes.
  36. So. Many. Blisters.
  37. You’ve worked a retail job solely for the discount.
  38. Moving everything back to school requires a truck, as well as another truck full of buff men.
  39. You can smell the difference between Abercrombie and Hollister.
  40. The only things you remember from your language classes are shopping phrases: “C’est combien?” “Cuánto cuesta?” “Wieviel kostet das?” “いくらですか”
  41. You call clothing items by their names: “Look at this new Elsa!”
  42. You’ve seriously considered being a “professional shopper.”
  43. You’ve also considered hiring one.
  44. You have a fashion blog that people actually read.
  45. The announcement of yearly colors is a serious event for you.
  46. Your computer wallpaper is always a designer print (with or without the monogram).
  47. You judge potential suitors based on their ability to dress well and put up with your excessive shopping habits: “Honey can you hold this?” “Do you think this looks good?”
  48. But, as with most men with an eye for fashion and a love for shopping, he’ll probably turn out to be gay.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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