48 Thoughts You Have Moving Out Of Your Sorority House

Sorority House

Living in the sorority house is one of the most rewarding experiences that any girl can get out of her four years as an active member. You get instant access to forty new closets, meaning you can finally achieve your dreams of never committing the ultimate sin of repeating an already Instagramed outfit. You also have the perfect excuse as to why you couldn’t possibly host the pregame. And yes, you bond with your sisters, because nothing brings sorority sisters closer quite like realizing that yes, every single girl does spend a good forty minutes staring at and picking her pores each night. After a year of that kind of magic, how can someone be expected to simply move on?

  1. Oh my god, I have to actually move out of the house.
  2. I know I signed a lease for next year and everything, but I didn’t actually expect that I would have to, like, leave.
  3. Can’t I just break my lease?
  4. I’m sure there is some kind of penalty, but who is going to take some old, gross landlord’s side? Everyone hates their landlord.
  5. If I do that, I wouldn’t be forced to leave all my best friends.
  6. Though I didn’t apply to live in-house again, so I’d actually be homeless, not just “unshowered and wearing the classic Norts-XL t-shirt combo to class” homeless.
  7. I suppose I could just refuse to leave.
  8. All of my stuff is here.
  9. I’ve been living here for way longer than six months, so I have to have some sort of squatter’s rights.
  10. That defense worked on an episode of Law and Order.
  11. LOL at everyone who said that binge watching Netflix instead of studying for finals was a “mistake.”
  12. Shit, how am I supposed to pack all of this stuff?
  13. I do not remember bringing this much stuff to school.
  14. Have I been online shopping while drunk again? I deleted my mom’s saved credit card number to prevent this.
  15. Oh, wait. This shirt isn’t mine.
  16. Neither is this dress.
  17. Should I return this? I borrowed it for that Phi Delt date party last semester.
  18. That was literal months ago. She never asked for it back, so it’s mine now.
  19. I’m sure I’ve accidentally given half my wardrobe away this past year, so it’s fine. This should put karma back into balance or tranquility or whatever the fuck it is.
  20. This is the last time I will ever have total access to this many closets.
  21. Every single time I dress myself using my own closet, I end up wearing one of the four good outfits I know I have.
  22. Living out of house is going to turn me into an outfit repeater.
  23. Where am I supposed to store all of this stuff? I don’t have the space at home.
  24. Can I store this at my new apartment? I know my lease technically doesn’t start until August, but c’mon. It’s basically mine.
  25. I think I’ve somehow accumulated enough stuff over the last nine months to single-handedly donate an entire Goodwill.
  26. Not that I would ever do that, because if I can’t live with my friends, I will live with all of their old things.
  27. It’s not hoarding if it has sentimental value!
  28. I’m never going to live a hop skip and jump away from my best friends again.
  29. Who will come snuggle with me when I’m avoiding homework?
  30. Who will come snuggle with me when I want to watch Grey’s Anatomy?
  31. I can totally come over and make complete use of the house TV, right? I don’t think my apartment has cable.
  32. I don’t even understand how to pay rent.
  33. And forget about paying utilities. I know I can’t afford that. I’ll just come and shower at the house a couple of times a week.
  34. I’m going to have to learn to cook, aren’t I?
  35. I guess it’ll be good practice for when I’m a housewife…
  36. Maybe I’ll lose some weight if I’m not shoveling down the greasy, delicious fried treats from our chef.
  37. Or I’ll lose weight because I AM GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH.
  38. Oh, it’s that weird stain on the flooring.
  39. I am going to get fined for that. Whoops, sorry, parents!
  40. It was such a good night. Even if it did end with reappearance of the mysterious red liquid that could never been completely cleaned.
  41. This isn’t my stain anymore.
  42. It’s just going to be some random stain that the girls who move in here will desperately try –and fail- to remove.
  43. This isn’t going to be my room.
  44. Or my bed.
  45. I’ve had so many great 4 AM conversations in that bed.
  46. Never with any guys, but still.
  47. At least I can actually get laid in my new apartment.
  48. God, I am going to miss this place.

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Everything you want in a sister, sorority or biological - funny, hardworking, pretty but not in an super obvious way. Essentially, a funnier Elle Woods who is constantly having a bad hair day. Questions, concerns, videos of dogs and coupons for Thai food can be sent to

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