Do you worship at the altar of celebrity gossip? Pray to the North (West) star? Idolize Kim’s ass? Well, we’ve got the church for you. Kanye West has announced that he will build a “Cathedral of Kim,” where members of the West-Kardashian clan can hold weddings, baptisms, and funerals for generations to come. Kanye’s already invested a measly $5 million in the project, which will feature a stained-glass image of Kanye, Kim, and North. I’m assuming that instead of Bibles in the pews, there will probably be copies of Kim’s new book of selfies, “Selfish.”
As much as I love to keep up with the Kardashians, worshipping at their feet is a little much, even for me. Personally, I feel as if there are many other establishments that are slightly more deserving of my praise and devotion. Here’s where you can find me on Sunday mornings–no offense, Kim. Please still let me babysit North.
- Starbucks. My Mecca, the home of the PSL, will always take the front seat to celebrity worship.
- Taco Bell. What? Saturday nights are rough. Besides, I have to keep up with Kim’s ass somehow.
- My bed. You mean you expect me to put on pants on a weekend? LOL. I may even flip on E! for a quick second if I’m feeling extra devoted to Kim–but only on the commercial breaks during “Say Yes To The Dress” and “House Hunters.”
- Kate Spade. And Coach, and Vineyard Vines, and Michael Kors, and Tory Burch. I’d much rather praise the ladies who gave me riding boots than the one who gave me a complex over whether I should work out or if guys really do want me to have a fat rear.
- The nail spa. If I’m going to watch Kim on Sundays, I only want to do it while getting my feet massaged and letting someone else slather polish all over my nails.
Anyway, thanks for the invite, Kim, but I think I’ll pass on this one.