5 Shows I Won’t Be Watching This Spring

Aside from being back on campus, and recruitment, and not eating until Spring Break, the beginning of a new year also marks something equally epic in the eyes of pop culture: the spring TV lineup. New shows obviously mean new distractions from doing homework, studying, and classes. Finding a new TV show to obsess over mostly means I have something to catch up on while I’m laying in my bed dying, and making an IV drip of coconut water in an attempt to recover from a hangover. I still haven’t quite come to terms with the ending of Gossip Girl, but I’m ready to return to my favorite standbys, such as Grey’s Anatomy, Pretty Little Liars, and Revenge. However, I feel as if sometimes the TV networks think everyone’s an idiot, and they grace us with the stupidest shows conceivable. Here’s what I WON’T be watching this spring:

1. Deception

This NBC drama follows a female detective who goes undercover to avenge the death of her best friend, a wealthy socialite. The show promises plot twists, plenty of drama, and I’m guessing a love triangle or two. Call me crazy (you wouldn’t be the first), but I feel as if Deception is the EXACT SAME SHOW as Revenge. I can only handle so much drama, and I only have room for one web of deceit in my life. Revenge has already done its job beautifully. I’m not sure what NBC was getting at by copying the concept of a pre-existing show, but I’m not into it, I can tell you that much.

2. The Carrie Diaries

Sex and The City was epic, obviously. I mean, I’m definitely a Carrie at heart, but sometimes…sometimes Samantha kind of comes out, and then, when I’m at school, I definitely try to put on my Miranda hat. Like, yes, we all LOVED S&TC. However, it’s clear that the CW’s just feeling a loss after the final episode of Gossip Girl aired, and now they’re trying to fill the void by creating another drama about high schoolers. What I think the CW failed to realize, however, is that there will never be a show as drama-filled as GG, and if they felt there was a niche to fill with a coming of age tale, they’re behind the ball, because GIRLS already exists. Listen, CW, STOP TRYING TO MAKE THE CARRIE DIARIES HAPPEN. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The best part of Sex and The City was the dynamic between Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. The Carrie Diaries only consists of Carrie, so it’s only 25% of what a great show could be.

The Bachelor

As a former self-proclaimed Bachelor fanatic, I HATE to trash the show, but it’s time to give it up. The past few seasons have been absolute failures: Ben picked Courtney and then cheated on her, Emily opted to be Jef’s beard and then cheated on him. I just can’t watch anymore “dream dates,” and I can’t deal with a million dental hygienists in cheap Cache dresses using the phrase “real connection” in every sentence. I’m over it.

4. 2 Broke Girls

It’s not that I don’t LOVE Whitney Cummings (well, actually, I don’t, but that’s neither here nor there), it’s that this show is honestly the only show on TV worse than Two and a Half Men. The writing is terrible, and the “witty” pop culture references littering the banter in each episode are cliche. I don’t think I can deal with another poorly delivered, semi-sarcastic remark made by Kat Dennings. I definitely will not be watching to two “waitresses” deal with their Brooklynite problems in this upcoming season.

5. Buckwild on MTV

Just as the world finally rid itself of Jersey Shore, MTV decided to deliver a new brand of idiots with a drinking problem. While Jersey Shore was entertaining, I feel that Buckwild will be painful to watch. The show focuses on a group of twenty-somethings from West Virginia, and follows them as they do normal things West Virginia natives do, such as sleeping with their cousins and counting all of their teeth on one hand. Even though I will never think of any Jersey Shore star as a role model, I think that there was an undeniable level of entertainment provided by the fist-pumping guidos from Seaside Heights. Also, the Jersey Shore cast DID spin off with their own tanning lotion lines, so I guess they’ve made some slight contribution to society. I think it’s safe to say I will never partake in any product endorsed by someone from West Virginia, nor will I be able to watch this show without needing subtitles, because we all know there’s a clear difference between a southern accent and a redneck dialect. I only have room for one group of rednecks on my Tivo, and that spot is currently being filled by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. So thanks, but no thanks, MTV.


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