1. She wears dark eye shadow during the day.
2. It’s below freezing outside and she’s not wearing tights or pantyhose.
3. She takes pictures of herself and posts them on facebook and twitter.
4. She is dating your old boyfriend.
5. She used to date your new boyfriend.
6. She puts eye-liner on her water line.
7. She wears red lipstick during the day.
8. She has really big boobs (whether she grew them herself or they were a gift from her stepfather/boyfriend/weird uncle/boss, etc.)
9. She has tattoos, particularly on her lower back, hip, or ankle.
10. She has piercings in places that aren’t her ears.
11. She’s in your rival sorority.
12. It appears that heat has declared war upon her hair; a war that her hair has clearly been losing for several years now.
13. She doesn’t have many girl friends.
14. Her hair is more than one color.
15. She’s wearing enough bronzer that you can write your name in her face.
16. She laughs in hehe’s (unless she’s fat. This could also mean she’s fat and jolly.)
17. She wears make-up and/or leaves her hair down at the gym.
18. She has the same major as, or works in the office with your boyfriend.
19. Her hair is bleach blonde or jet black.
20. She sits on a boy’s lap. Nothing is worse than a lap-sitter.
21. She commits crimes against glitter by putting it on her eyelids.
22. She always has a boyfriend.
23. She never has a boyfriend.
24. She gets duck-tail acrylic tips.
25. She wears hoop earrings.
26. You can see her bra or thong straps.
27. She wears heels, excluding wedges, that are higher than 4 inches during the day. (Possible exception: if she is very short and they are paired with an extremely un-revealing dress or pants).
28. If she, Lord help her, wears fishnets and it isn’t Halloween.
29. She wears a really fruity perfume that smells like a cross between “fake bitch” and “attention whore.”
30. Her skin tone more closely resembles that of the offspring of Elmo and Binya Binya than any member of the human race.
31. She somehow always manages to find the only elevated surface in a room and dance on it.
32. She uses a lip-liner with a name like Midnight Vixen.
33. She wears blue mascara.
34. She wears a sports bra to the gym. This is only acceptable when running outside.
35. She pretends to be “soooooo drunk” when she isn’t. I don’t even pretend to be “soooooo drunk” when I am.
36. She treats boys as if they’re her own personal stripper pole when dancing.
37. She’s always the drunkest, loudest, and last girl at the party.
38. $hE tYpEs LiiKe ThYs.
39. She purposely buys bras that don’t fit so her boobs will muffin-top.
40. She quotes Nicki Minaj.
41. She eats lollipops.
42. She has a ridiculous nickname like “puffle wagon” for a boy who’s in a relationship and writes it on his facebook wall.
43. She does special tricks with her tongue, teeth, or lips in public.
44. She wears sequins and she is neither at a NYE party, nor a night club.
45. Her face is a different color from her neck.
46. She has a raspy voice.
47. Her mom is really young.
48. She’s any kind of foreign, but especially European.
49. She pretends to like sports.
50. You just downright don’t like her.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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