50 Ways To Get Out Of Sex For When You Just Don’t Feel Like It

excuses for when you just don't feel like boning

Although sex is great, sometimes you just want to sit and watch Netflix while eating a pile of pizza. Or maybe the guy ended up being not as cute as his Tinder profile said he would be. Regardless, sometimes you just have to get out of having sex and here are some of the best excuses:

  1. “I got my period…right this instant.”
  2. Play dead.
  3. “McDonalds is about to close.”
  4. Fart.
  5. “My dog died.”
  6. “My grandma died.”
  7. “My imaginary friend died.”
  8. “I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and my doctor told me I can’t have sex the night before.”
  9. Cry.
  10. Cry into a cheesecake.
  11. Turn on Doctor Who.
  12. “I have a term paper due.”
  13. Jump out of a window.
  14. “My vagina has retired for the night.”
  15. “I’m still sad about how Gilmore Girls ended.”
  16. “It hurts when I pee lately, is that normal?”
  17. Specifically describe all of your cats.
  18. Tell him he has a small eggplant.
  19. Play some Nickelback.
  20. Tell him how hot his friends are.
  21. Wear your period panties.
  22. “I have to wash my hair.”
  23. Just don’t shave… anywhere at all.
  24. Explain in detail your most recent therapy session.
  25. “Accidentally” call him your boyfriend if he’s only your hookup.
  26. Quote Harry Potter during foreplay.
  27. Start imitating Janice from Friends and never stop.
  28. Tell him your favorite sexual organ is your teeth.
  29. Come out of the closet.
  30. Tell him you have…stomach issues.
  31. “I forgot to take my birth control.”
  32. Don’t shower for three days straight.
  33. “My horoscope told me not to do it.”
  34. Fake amnesia.
  35. Pretend to be mad at him for something stupid he did six weeks ago.
  36. “I’m still not over how bad Jared Leto was in ‘Suicide Squad.’”
  37. Talk about the Kardashians.
  38. Order a pizza and don’t share any of it.
  39. Tell him he reminds you of your dad.
  40. Throw up.
  41. Make him throw up.
  42. Poison him, but only a little bit.
  43. Tell him about your JFK conspiracies.
  44. Punch him in the face and run.
  45. Tell him you have a staph infection.
  46. Make up an STD and tell him you have that.
  47. Set him up with another girl.
  48. Tell him you have a kid.
  49. Have your roommates fake an emergency.
  50. Just pretend he isn’t there.

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If I can't be buried with my dick pics then I don't wanna die.

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