1. Double-chinned selfies.
2. While we’re at it: makeup-free selfies, toilet selfies, ugly selfies in general.
3. Because let’s be real, the amount of times you actually look cute are few and far between.
4. Messy buns.
5. But not the cute messy buns that some girls manage to pull off. I’m talking a greasy hair, tight pony, prepubescent look.
6. Actually, greasy hair in general. Few things are more annoying than washing your hair.
7. Big fat pores.
8. Sitting at the sink and picking your big fat pores for an embarrassing about of time.
9. Sweaty palms that strike at the weirdest times.
10. Even though you don’t have naturally sweaty palms. Seriously.
11. Obnoxiously oversized sweaters. And sweatpants. And T-shirts.
12. Cellulite.
13. Any and all chin hairs.
14. Sports bras on an everyday, everywhere, all the time basis.
15. Stalking his ex-girlfriend on Instagram.
16. Stalking his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend on Instagram.
17. You know what? Let’s make it easy and just say stalking anyone on Instagram is sexy.
18. Period panties. (Ugh, I know. I cringed just thinking about those, too.)
19. Hair that is literally everywhere.
20. This includes but isn’t limited to the shower wall, where half of your hair resides.
21. Last night’s makeup that you were too lazy or drunk to remove.
22. Double (and triple) texting.
23. Wearing the same bra for a really disgusting amount of time.
24. Eating a banana. There’s just no right way to do it.
25. Boob sweat.
26. Streeetttttchhhhh marks.
27. A full ’70s-style bush.
28. Bringing your own ranch dressing to any location where food is served (because LOL at paying the fifty cent up-charge).
29. Acne that decides to make its appearance before a big date, a presentation, or a face-to-face encounter with an ex.
30. Sleeping with your mouth (and legs) wide open.
31. Snoring.
32. Spider veins. You thought those would never happen to you.
33. Eating an entire footlong, pizza, or disturbing about of chicken wings in one sitting.
34. Not giving a shit about the amount of food you just consumed, because you’re going to do it no matter what.
35. The actual female nightmare: sleep farts.
36. Or worse, vagina farts.
37. The hair on the top of your toes that you somehow always forget to shave.
38. Being jealous of his high school girlfriend.
39. Sitting on your couch eating a whole bag of Doritos.
40. The body you have after sitting on the couch eating a whole bag of Doritos.
41. The way you swear like a drunk sailor.
42. Wearing gym clothes all the time without ever actually going to the gym.
43. That insanely pointy, can’t-be-hidden, will-draw-blood leg stubble.
44. Actually, just never shaving your legs, ever.
45. Upper lip sweat, because unfortunately, when you have a mustache of perspiration, you are not considered “sexy” in today’s world.
46. Beer burps. Sorry I’m not sorry — you can’t hold those in.
47. The tummy pouch (fondly called a FUPA) that you can’t seem to get rid of.
48. Frizzy hair that is the bane of your existence.
49. A heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.
50. Joking about having a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina. (Why don’t guys find this funny?)
51. Staying in with your real (or imaginary) cat.
52. Not giving a shit. At the end of the day, you don’t care what people think is sexy. You’re going to eat what you want, dress how you want, and be the person you want to be. Besides, everyone knows that being able to eat your body weight in Chipotle is the new “sexy,” anyway..

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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