53 Life Lessons “Mean Girls” Taught Us

Mean Girls

  1. Fetch is, like, slang from England.
  2. Don’t ever try to make it happen.
  3. If you have man shoulders, you can’t wear halter tops.
  4. Butter is a carb.
  5. You can’t help it if you have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina (or if your sorority symbol looks like a vagina. Sorry, Theta).
  6. If you have sex, you WILL get pregnant.
  7. And die.
  8. On Wednesdays, we wear pink.
  9. If you’re going to drink, it’s better to do it in the house.
  10. Coach Carr gets around.
  11. Everyone in Africa can read Swedish.
  12. Don’t strive to be a regular mom. Strive to be a cool mom.
  13. If your hair is big, it’s probably full of secrets.
  14. Hoop earrings are not your “thing.”
  15. You can’t help it that you’re so popular.
  16. It’s spelled, “o-r-a-n-g-e.”
  17. You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row.
  18. It only looks like you’re being a bitch because you’re acting like a bitch.
  19. There’s a 30 percent chance that it’s already raining.
  20. Life ruiner: someone who ruins people’s lives.
  21. Taco Bell is off limits if you’re on an all carb diet.
  22. You don’t hate anyone because she’s fat. She’s fat because you hate her.
  23. Making out with a hot dog is acceptable if it was only one time.
  24. You could try Sears.
  25. You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.
  26. If you’re sick, you can’t go out.
  27. Someone can be assigned to butter your muffin.
  28. Everyone loves Danny DeVito’s work.
  29. You can’t just ask people why they’re white.
  30. Half of the people will be mad at you, and the other half will only like you because they think you pushed someone in front of a bus. You can’t make everyone happy.
  31. Math is the same in every country.
  32. You don’t have to say anything to be told to “shut up.”
  33. Having ESPN is, like, the same thing as having a fifth sense.
  34. If you were half a virgin when you met him, you basically gave him everything.
  35. Ex-boyfriends are off limits to friends. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.
  36. It’s okay to agree, because you’re, like, really pretty.
  37. We only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays.
  38. If you make everyone eat a cake filled with rainbows and smiles, they’ll be happy just like they used to be in middle school.
  39. You can be fabulous and evil.
  40. If someone’s name is Anfernee, don’t call him Anthony.
  41. It only counts if they see nipple.
  42. You can’t dress scarily on Halloween.
  43. Rome is not about one person being the boss of everybody.
  44. Just because you buy super jumbo tampons, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a virgin.
  45. People can be white, and also from Africa.
  46. Peppermint foot lotion makes for a great facial moisturizer.
  47. She doesn’t even go here.
  48. Beware of the plastics.
  49. Kalteen bars make you gain weight like crazy.
  50. You didn’t leave the South Side for this.
  51. You’re not supposed to go out when you’re grounded.
  52. The limit does not exist when it comes to how many times you can quote “Mean Girls.”
  53. And none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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