53 Things I’d Rather Do Than Graduate


  1. Jump out of a plane without a parachute.
  2. Have Ryan Reynolds offer to have sex with me, and be on my period.
  3. Find out that Harry Styles is actually gay.
  4. Get a misspelled facial tattoo.
  5. Be stuck at home alone for the summer with no friends.
  6. Be over the age of 21 and still get denied from a bar.
  7. Find a cockroach in my sports bra.
  8. Have a bird poop on my head every time I’m having a perfect hair day.
  9. Find the last parking space in the garage and have it turn out to be a tiny car instead of an open space.
  10. Trip and fall walking into a bar.
  11. Be trapped on a 14-hour flight next to a crying baby.
  12. Sit next to Leonardo di Caprio on a flight but have terrible gas the entire time.
  13. Step in water immediately after putting on fresh socks.
  14. Bite into an unpopped popcorn kernel, have it explode, and lose a tooth.
  15. Have a constant hangnail.
  16. Listen to the Real Housewives argue about who sits where at the dinner table for the rest of my life.
  17. Have every episode of every show I care about spoiled before I can watch it.
  18. Open the text from that dude I’m avoiding right now.
  19. Receive daily dick pics.
  20. Always receive decaf coffee instead of regular.
  21. Go to the gym for hours and then realize my FitBit was dead the whole time.
  22. Trip on uneven ground any time I wear heels and have everyone think I’m just hammered.
  23. Have my nudes leaked on the Internet.
  24. Receive daily Snapchats of my ex and his new girlfriend frolicking happily.
  25. Be given a bob instead of lob.
  26. Run into a guy I’ve slept with when I’m leaving the gym all red and sweaty and gross.
  27. Have any kind of sexually-related nickname at a fraternity.
  28. Be subjected to a beer shower every time I go out.
  29. Be told that the only eye makeup I can wear is black eyeliner that goes all the way around, 2009-style.
  30. Go back to looking as dorky as I did in middle school.
  31. Realize at the end of the day that my contour was way too aggressive.
  32. Tell my dad about my sex life.
  33. Dye my hair blue.
  34. Have all my fingernails ripped out.
  35. Drink my coffee black for the rest of my life.
  36. Get hit by a campus bus.
  37. Require emergency medical aid but only have the incompetent people at student health to save my life.
  38. Only be able to watch ESPN specials on Netflix.
  39. Get invited to the Met Gala and then have the world’s worst wardrobe malfunction.
  40. Have all of my eyebrow hairs fall out.
  41. Get really fat really fast.
  42. Be in a long distance relationship with someone I don’t trust.
  43. Get into a bar fight and lose.
  44. Get braces again.
  45. Have to write only in cursive forever.
  46. Only be able to speak using quotes from KUWTK.
  47. Get shitty lip fillers and not be able to fix them.
  48. Total my car and be forced to drive my grandma’s minivan.
  49. Get roasted to death in a tanning bed.
  50. Be eaten by a dragon.
  51. Have Jon Snow die again.
  52. Have my favorite makeup/perfume/hair product get discontinued.
  53. Drop my sorority.

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PlattyBlonde is a senior who divides her time responsibly between cheap alcohol, bad boys, and worrying about her hair.

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