If there’s one show that I could watch every day for the rest of my life (other than The Office, of course) it’s Gossip Girl. Hell, at this point I pretty much just watch it on a loop. I go from Dan confessing to be GG (if you don’t know by now, that’s your own damn fault) to spotting Lonely Boy at Grand Central without any time in between. But after a good 10 times of viewing the show, there are still a few things I’m confused by. Why Dan always acted shocked by Gossip Girl blasts, how Serena and Blair stayed friends even though they were horrible to each other, and the insane twisted love triangles.
And while it seems like everyone and their parents hooked up with everyone else, there are a few should-have-been couples that never got around to doing the nasty. And in a world where it seems like swapping partners was as common as sending in mean gossip tips about your friends, it seems strange that these folks never got each other off.
1. Serena and Chuck
Granted, they become step-sibs pretty early on in the show, but sharing a parent never stopped S. Still, while Chuck tries to get in her pants early on in the show, as they evolve they truly turn into family. And while these two are, for lack of a better word, the sluttiest male and female in the group, they’re pretty much the only ones in the core five who never hooked up with each other.
2. Vanessa and Rufus
The sexual tension between these two was off. the. fucking. charts. I mean, Rufus tried to force his waffles down V’s throat plenty of times. They’d have long heart-to-hearts, they were just a little too touchy-feely, and Rufus made it clear he didn’t mind slurping up his son’s sloppy seconds (*cough* Ivy *cough*). After their shared history and a shared love of Dan, it’s crazy that they never banged it out over some breakfast food.
3. Eric and Jenny
I know, I know — he’s gay. But, BUT, the writers really made it seem like there was ~something~ going on between the two of them early in the show. Everyone acted like Little J was conceited for thinking Eric was into her (when he was really INSIDE her boyfriend, if you know what I mean), but hello? We all thought the same thing.
4. Ivy Dickens and Chuck
Our girl Ivy hooked up with Dan, Nate, and fucking Rufus, but for some reason didn’t get around to getting with the hottest guy on the Upper East Side? Chuck wasn’t even with Blair at the time so nothing should have stopped her. Still, in honor of being bootleg Serena, she managed to avoid getting with the Greek God that is Chuck Bass and ended her time on the show with the older, weirder, choker-wearing Humphry and getting snubbed by Serena’s dad. Talk about falling from grace.
5. Chuck and Georgina
Now, this one is sort of cheating. If you really paid attention, you would know that Chuck actually lost his virginity to G in 6th grade. That said, during her entire time on the show, they never rekindled their old romance. Some people might say that makes sense since they’re just about as similar as two people can be, but if there’s one bitch who can put Blair through her paces, it’s Georgina. Besides, Chuck got with little J to hurt Blair. You’d think he’d be fine hooking up with her hot archnemesis just for shits and orgasms, right?
6. Jenny and Dan
Okay, okay. While all of the step-sibling stuff is weird but not completely fucked up genetically, this one would totally take the cake. Still, considering that basically everyone else hooked up with everyone else, it was only a matter of time. Plus, Dan really did have a thing for blondes. Too bad incest wasn’t popular back in 2012 like it is now, otherwise Lonely Boy might not have been so lonely for so long.
Still, if this revival trend keeps happening, maybe we’ll see some of these couples in a Gossip Girl reboot. My money is on Vanessa and Rufus — they just go hand-in-hand like waffles and horribly lame dad jokes..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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