1. He has a legitimate hobby.
Outside of drinking, sleeping, and having copious amounts of raunchy sex with you, that is. The fact that he has a real interest means two things. The first is that he won’t be breathing down your neck 24/7, because he has a life outside of your vagina. The second is that he’s not a total shithead, too stupid to care about anything other then his basic biological urges. It doesn’t matter what the hobby is or whether or not you share it with him. It can be literally anything: reading, golf, hiking, or removing the warm fuzzy lint from the dryer on a daily basis. Any activity will do, as long as it means he’s capable of giving a shit.
2. He knows you a little bit too well.
Guys who notice the little things basically equate sex on legs. I’m not talking about memorizing your class schedule or knowing the first name of every member of your family. I’m talking about those random, obscure facets that make you the lovable freak you are. Things like your most notable pet peeves, those few guilty pleasure TV shows you can’t live without, and what you like to eat from Taco Bell when you’re fucked up. He doesn’t know that shit because he feels obligated to study up on your life. He knows because he genuinely likes the fact that you’re original a total fucking weirdo.
3. He gives a shit about school.
A telltale sign of a guy’s integrity is how much effort he puts towards his education. Does he stay in some nights to study, or can you usually find him chugging brews and laughing about the fact that he has an exam at 8 A.M. the next day? He doesn’t have to live in the library or sprout a sweater vest to ward away unwanted social interaction, but you don’t want to be with a guy who thinks that college is one big LOLfest with zero attached responsibility. Studying is sexy. That’s just science.
4. He endured years of the friend zone for you.
I’d like to think that guys put up with the friend zone for reasons other than the constant and persistent thought of getting in your pants. Guys who stick around through years of failed relationships, tough breakups, and killer comments like “You’re such a nice guy” are the reason the world keeps spinning. Not only is it crazy sexy to finally see a friend in a new light, but it means that you two have built a sincere friendship that will serve as a solid foundation. Try not to fuck that one up.
5. He gets along with your friends.
Your friends are your friends for a reason. By whatever twist of fate, you became close with those bitches because they’re good people with a similar sense of values to your own. If your friends are saying he’s a bad guy, it’s not because they’re jealous or petty. It’s because he’s a bona fide asshole, and you’re just too blinded by your own horniness to see it. In turn, if your friends like your new dude, it’s probably because he’s a legitimately good person. They know what’s good for you the same way you know what’s good for them. Friends don’t let friends wear crocs, watch horrible reality TV (alone), or waste their time on douchebags. That’s just girl code.
6. He listens to you bitch about stuff he doesn’t care about.
It’s a cold, hard fact that absolutely zero men are going to give a shit about the fact that Annie is wearing the same formal dress as you even though she KNEW you bought it first. They’re the simpler sex, and they’re just not programmed to care about events that we consider to be catastrophic. Regardless, you know a guy is a total gem when he sits through forty-five minutes of you complaining about the lady who did your nails last week (even if he’s only doing it because there’s a chance he might get lucky once you get it all off your chest). Bonus points if he adds an occasional “Oh my god!” or “That’s crazy.”.
Nice Move440
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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