Girls are all a little bit crazy, but usually we’re pretty good at hiding it. Some of us are just run-of-the-mill girl crazy and text our exes when we’re drunk while others are absolutely bonkers and show up at their doorstep in middle of the night in the pouring rain demanding that they get back together. We all fall somewhere along that scale, whether we want to admit it or not. Here are the seven levels of crazy, ranging from boring to certified psycho.
Level 1
You have you read receipts turned on because iPhone’s come that way and you never cared enough to switch it off. You hate drama, and you’re not just saying that. You think the Kardashians are stupid and you’ve never internet stalked anyone. Your favorite sexual position is missionary and you’ve had exactly two relationships, both of them longterm. The first was your high school boyfriend, who you lost your virginity to in your childhood bed when your parents weren’t home. The second was your college boyfriend, who you’re now engaged to. You’ve never had a one night stand and you’ve also never blacked out from drinking. You aspire to be a kindergarten teacher or a nurse or something selfless like that. No one has ever called you crazy because you’re actually the complete opposite — boring.
Level 2
Maybe you started off as boring, but then you went to college and everything changed. You’re still a good girl at heart, but you’re just a bit more curious now. You say you hate drama, but that doesn’t stop you from listening to it whenever your friends start gossipping. Of course, you would never start the drama yourself, but sometimes you can’t help but get sucked into hearing it. It’s your friends that are the crazy ones, not you. You’ve stalked a guy on Facebook, but only after you told your friends about him and they made you do it right in front of them. You would never double text a guy you aren’t actually dating, unless of course, your friends peer pressure you into it. At the end of the day, you don’t care if the guy you like ignores you. You probably didn’t even sleep with him anyway.
Level 3
To the outside world you’re completely sane, but on the inside, you have some serious crazy girl tendencies. You act like you’re not a part of the drama, but that’s a complete. All of your shit talking starts with “You know I love (insert friend’s name here), but did you hear…” You enjoy drama, but you would never own up to it. When it comes to guys, they like you because you’re “real” and you’re “not like other girls,” AKA you don’t text him incessantly like a level 7 crazy would do. You’re not quite as bad as “other girls,” but when he left his (unlocked) phone out in the living room with you while he was in the bathroom, you looked at the text message thread he left open. It’s not that bad. At least you didn’t go snooping.
Level 4
You’re not completely psycho, but you’re definitely girl crazy. Your phone is filled with screenshots from the guy you’re currently obsessing over, and you analyze every phrase, word, and punctuation in your BFF group message. You hate to say it, but you love drama. You might even occasionally start it if you’re bored. You cry about your exes when you’re drunk but you’re not stupid enough to actually call or text them. If you see the girl you hate out at the bars, you might give her the side eye and tell everyone you’re with “she’s such a fucking slut,” but you would never say that to her face.
Level 5
You’re crazy and you know it, but you also really enjoy it because most of the time it gets you what you want. You’ll double text, triple text, whatever it takes to get the guy you want to answer. If a guy leaves his phone unlocked and near you, you’re going snooping through that shit. You’re the queen of internet stalking. All you need is a person’s full name and by the time you’re done, you’ll know the birthday of his seventh-grade crush. Alcohol only brings out the crazy even more. When you’re drunk, you’re known to pull some seriously crazy shit, like show up at your ex’s place and then do nothing but cry or start a fight with the bartender because he didn’t put enough vodka in your vodka soda. You’re not mad, though, you secretly love the attention.
Level 6
You crave drama. If there’s no drama going on, you’re bored and you might just make something up purely for your own entertainment. You’re crazy, and sometimes it’s for absolutely no reason at all. Your boyfriend ordered a chicken strip meal when he knows you like the sandwich? You yell at him. He also asked you if it was okay if he went out with his friends and you said yes, but you get upset when he actually does it because you expected him to read your mind and know you weren’t actually okay with it. Just as your boyfriend is getting used to your crazy, you dump him because you’re bored. But you still have his email information from that one time he logged in on your phone and you periodically “check up” on him.
Level 7
You’re a certifiable nut job. Some girls get drunk and text their exes, you show up at his house completely sobering demanding that he gets back together with you. Some girls make “jokes” about trapping their boyfriend forever by getting pregnant, you actually poke holes in condoms. Your emotions are all over the place and life with you is a constant stream of surprises. You can be a perfect angel one second and then batshit crazy the next. You don’t just sneak a peak at his texts when he’s not looking, you actually steal his phone and text eery female sounding name in his phone book threatening to ruin them if they ever text your man. You’re psychotic and the only reason you can get away with this type of behavior is because you’re hot and every guy you’ve been with says it’s the best sex he’s ever had..
Nice Move279
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Cristina Montemayor
Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).
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