The latest trend in women’s jewelry right now is a jingling stack of bracelets that makes every girl look like a ridiculous pirate. They let you tell the rest of the world about all of the things that define you, even though no one else will look closely enough to care. These bracelets come with every charm you could imagine: zodiac signs, significant life events, or other ambiguous categories that you fit into.
You know what the jewelry world really needs? A collection of Alex and Ani charms that are completely honest. Bracelets that tell the world what you’re really about. Who gives a shit if you are a nurse? I want to know some more invasive shit about you. Here are a few suggestions for bracelets that REALLY define you.
1. Netflix Logo
This charm would be sold out everywhere, because it describes us all perfectly. It would demonstrate every girl’s solid commitment to binge watching Scandal AND Gossip Girl at least fifteen times. It’s also a great conversation starter, if you ever get out of bed and actually stop watching Netflix.
2. A Jersey
What a lovely addition for the girl who has very specific requirements for the men in her life. This is for the jersey-chasing girl, so that all non-athletes know they need not apply or approach her at bars. It’s a badge of honor and would come in every sport form so that if your interest lies exclusively in one sport, you can really hone in on that type of guy. If you are really getting crazy, you could stack a bunch of types of jerseys so that people know there is a broad(ish) range of guys approved to make eye contact with you.
3. Clarisonic
I’m addicted to mine, and it would be a great way to tell the world that you spent $200 on what is essentially a vibrating washcloth. It will tell every guy that you’re high maintenance and worth it. Pair this charm with the one that says “Daddy’s Girl” and you can repel guys for years!
4. Social Media Logos
You should be able to stack your Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and if you’re getting crazy, Snapchat logo bracelets. This will let guys know that you are NEVER off the grid. Perhaps you could have them engraved with your specific username on the back so you can share your thoughts and pictures of your meals with the world! It also is a great way to let your friends know they can be featured in your #TBT next week if they decide to compliment your stack this week.
5. Mod Podge Bottle
You’ll get weird looks from boys, because they probably still think Mod Podge is a type of workout, but every potential little will love you because she knows she’s getting amazing gifts for big/little reveal. Guys will appreciate it because they’ll be getting a tightly sealed…cooler.
6. Adderall Pill
This charm would be a gorgeous addition to anyone’s stack. It’s the Holy Grail of productivity, worn during extended hours in the library or while making a to-do list a mile long, including item one: “make to-do list.” Be careful though, because people will definitely ask you if they can have some of your pills, to which you will obviously decline with a perfectly handwritten no.
7. Your BFF’s Profile
Remember those black and white profile photos of the cute little girl and boy? Make your BFF take a creepy picture like this and then get it made into a charm. Now, people will definitely know who your other half is, even though they already know based on the thousands of pictures you have together. The downside here is that they will probably assume you’re romantically involved with your best friend, which is actually a good thing because you are..
Image via YouTube
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BlingleWhiteFemale
BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.
@blinglewhitefem
