Ah slating season. As the holidays come and the year starts drawing to a close, sorority women from chapters everywhere are faced with the age-old question: Should I run for exec?
And while loving your chapter is good, and being involved is great, when it comes to landing an exec position, it’s all politics. And if I’ve learned anything from House of Cards, it’s that politics are twisted. So here are some of the best ways to trick convince your chapter into voting for you. I’m not saying they’re moral, but what I am saying is that they’ll work. Maybe.
Blackmail
One of the most classic techniques in politics and girl world is, of course, the blackmail. Save drunken pictures. Do some social media digging. Talk to exes. Find the dirt on the most influential girls in the chapter. This is easy because let’s be real, you’re stalking everyone on social media anyways. By selecting the most important girls, you don’t have to work over the whole chapter. Once you have these girls in your trap, the rest of your sisters will follow their lead and vote for you. Because, peer pressure.
Con: Everyone will hate you.
Bribing
Another classic in politics, bribing will forever work like a charm. Need new hammocks for the patio? How about that froyo machine the girls would die for? A new wing with bedrooms, just because daddy can afford it? Whatever it is, if you have the means, might as well use them. You can either bribe the whole chapter, or the current exec members who will then put in a good word for you with the chapter. Either way, when in comes to exec, money can absolutely buy your love.
Con: You might have to put your own shopping trips on hold for awhile.
Make Promises You Can’t Keep
Just like bribing, making promises is great. But do you know what’s even better? Not following through with them. Those hammocks you promised? Eh, you’re not feeling them anymore. That froyo machines? Ugh, too much work. That extra wing all of the girls were bragging about? You couldn’t get the permits for it. Making promises you can’t keep is a long-time political tradition, and you’d be stupid not to use it when running for exec.
Con: Everyone will really, really hate you.
Have Money
Just have a lot of money. It’ll help. Probably.
Con: People will be jealous of you, but LOL what’s new?
Befriend Everyone
To be honest, this might be one of the hardest tactics on here. Befriending everyone in your chapter takes time. Maybe you’ve been doing this from the start. If not, you need to stop what you’re doing and start liking everyone’s Instagram pictures STAT. Befriending everyone doesn’t mean you actually like them all. But what it DOES mean is that they think you like them all. So stop talking shit and start buying everyone shots, RSVPing to events you don’t want to attend, and helping every sister in need. Sure it takes work, but doing this will ensure you a place on exec, and a place in their hearts.
Con: You have to get over the fact that you hate everyone, and start following more people on Instagram.
Promise To Find Boyfriends For Your Sisters
Boyfriends, formal dates, and future husbands are surefire ways to land on exec. Maybe you have great relationships with the fraternities on campus. Maybe you’re basically one of the guys. Maybe you’ve just hooked up with them all before. Whatever it is that makes these guys flock to you, use it. Hook influential girls up with boys, and promise mates for the rest of your chapter. If you can’t buy your chapter with money, you might as well buy them with sex love.
Con: You’ll have to give up all of your safety guys and FWBs for the fight.
Actually Care About The Chapter
The final, and most difficult option is, of course, to really love you chapter. Care about what happens to it. Value the girls in it. Listen to what your sisters need, and help them accomplish the goals they set. Sure it might not be the easiest, but if you don’t have an unlimited credit card or the balls to resort to blackmail, you might just have to resort to this.
Con: Chances are you won’t actually win the election. But hey, at least you have your sisters, right?
Oh politics..
Image via Youtube
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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