A few months ago, I dubbed myself a “full-time girl, part-time bro.” I love getting dressed up, shopping like it’s my job and religiously watching The Bachelor every Monday night, but I also love watching college football all day on Saturdays, getting mad when my March Madness bracket goes to shit, and even a causal round of golf on a sunny day. I’m a guy’s girl. Just a girly one. And for the most part, it’s awesome. My guy friends are great. I get free drinks pretty much all of the time. I get to play wingwoman (which I’m awesome at) and I get to dish out love advice, because guys are clueless.
But it comes with it’s down sides.
1. They always want to bring up the time you hooked up with their brother.
Ugh, the night you want to forget. So what if you only made out with him? They don’t care if that’s really what happened or not. They’ll still bring it up. Every. Single. Time. Of course with the added “That’s not what we heard, har, har” after you tell them (again) that you only dry humped for three minutes and then passed out.
2. Other guys think you’re “with” them.
Well, at least with one of them. Which is hilarious in theory, except when it means that you basically become invisible when you’re out on the prowl. A lot of guys are shameless in hitting on girls, but most won’t do it right in front of the guy they think is your boyfriend.
3. They don’t do chick flicks.
Sometimes you just want to watch some cheesy Matthew McConaughey movie for the eighteenth time, while you chow down on a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked and they just don’t get it. You get outvoted for some action film with some actress that’s going to strip down to her bra, while everyone eats wings…for the third time this week.
4. The conversation turns to your girlfriends.
To absolutely nobody’s surprise, your guy friends want to hook up with all your girl friends (if they haven’t already), which is difficult, because you’re protective of both groups. The guys want to dish out the details while your girls start grilling you. Normally, you’d want to answer them when they ask “Did he say anything about me?” but you have to just be like “Bro code.”
5. You’re their wingman.
You find yourself making friends with girls and bringing them over to meet your bros on the regular. And this would be fine! But when it’s time for them to bring guys over for you? Suddenly there are none to be found. In fact, it’s the opposite. They’re looking to intimidate away anyone who looks in your direction.
6. They get girlfriends and “forget” about you.
Or more realistically, their girlfriends hate you. You’re used to binge watching an entire season of New Girl at the house with them, and suddenly they don’t have time to do that any more, which roughly translates to “my girlfriend doesn’t like how close we are.” You sort of get it, but mostly you want her to go fuck herself.
7. When you start to like your bro as more than just your bro.
There’s nothing worse than developing feelings for someone who’s supposed to be your friend. You’ve always known he was attractive, but now not only is he attractive, but hilarious, and sweet, and sort of perfect for you, and you don’t know how to act. You basically still hang with him every day, because you don’t want to ruin the broship, but now it’s like torture as you watch him flirt with other girls, take other girls home and then give out all the details the next day. The. Worst..