1. You’re scared you won’t “fit the mold.”
Valid concern. Sorority women only come in one shape and size, no exceptions. Picture two hundred Regina Georges, and you have an accurate depiction of any given chapter. Girls who don’t look like this get hazed on the reg, which is not at all frowned upon and actually encouraged by nationals.
2. Boys are icky.
The thought of fostering fraternal relations frightens you to your very core, and I don’t blame you. Frat boys are gross and not at all fun to hang out with. Free alcohol and parties for you and all of your friends? No thanks, you’re better off drinking in your dorm and risking the wrath of your bitter, power-hungry RA.
3. You don’t have the time.
If you’re not prepared to devote 100% of every waking moment to your letters, sorority life probably isn’t for you. When we’re not in class or peer pressuring innocent freshmen into drinking, we’re required to spend all of our free time in the house, braiding each other’s waist-length blonde hair and singing kumbaya.
4. It’s too expensive.
You’re not loaded, which would make you feel super out of place. We pretty much spend all of our time counting stacks of cash and lighting hundred dollar bills on fire for our own amusement. It’s not like we’re all racking up student loans the same as everyone else. No, we are all magically exempt from the financial obligations that every non-Greek college student has to endure.
5. You’re not preppy enough.
Don’t even think about rushing if you don’t like Lilly or Vineyard Vines. These are actually required uniforms for sorority girls– we get a standards if we even think about fucking with Hanes.
6. You’re too independent.
It’s a good thing that the boys in the fraternity next door are there to help us tie our shoes, because let me tell you, sorority women are painfully stupid. Don’t let our consistently high GPAs and various academic accomplishments fool you. It’s all a ploy supported by our booming libraries of test files, which are instrumental in successfully obtaining an MRS degree.
7. TSM is offensive.
‘Nuff said. .
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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