7 Things To Do Instead Of Faking It

Worst things bed

I’m going to say something crazy — orgasming for girls is hard. Guys can get off from a girl just looking at them, but for us vagina-owers, it’s a littler bit more difficult. You have to be in the right mood, with the right person, doing the right things, in a place with no distractions, and even then you can lose it in a second. It’s delightful.

The worst thing is that sometimes the guy you’re with is perfect. Like, you want to marry him and pop out his babies even though you aren’t FBO, perfect. The only problem? In the bedroom (or the kitchen counter, or the back of the car) things just aren’t working. Whatever he’s doing, it’s just not right. Or not enough. Or not something. If that’s the case, here’s how to get him to get you there. Or at least a hell of a lot closer.

1. Talk About It

The most basic of ways to handle something in a relationship. Consider giving good ole fashioned talking a try. Do your best not to rip out his heart and soul when you tell him that he’s not getting the job done in bed. You can go about this a few ways. Wait until after sex when you’re cuddling and he’s feeling good and say something like,
• “That was awesome. I was thinking next time however, we could try ___________”
Or maybe you’d rather say something during. If he does something you really like, tell him. If you want him to do something, tell him. For your sake and for his, he’d rather you tell him how to do it than tell your friends that he doesn’t know how.

2. Take A Quiz

Maybe you’re scared. Maybe the idea of vocalizing what you want is scary. Maybe you’re a little bitch. Whatever it is, you want an easy out to tell him everything you want, without actually telling him everything you want. Enter: the quiz. Basically, this quiz asks you all of these questions about what you’d like, then asks you boyfriend, and then the answers are compared. Everything you want to do as a couple is emailed to both of you and makes for a hell of a conversation.

3. Use Your Own Freaking Hand

Remember hands? The thing he uses to get himself off and the thing you should have been using to get yourself off? Yeah. Those bad boys. If you’re going at it, and he’s not quite hitting the right spot, you don’t need to lay there like a piece of plywood. Reach your own damn hand down there and watch his eyes light up as you show him *exactly* how you like it. You know the saying, “sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands?” Pretty sure this is what the saying is about.

Use A Toy

Sometimes the tools we were given aren’t quite enough. This is where the next best thing comes in. Colorful, rubber, vibrating
toys. Don’t be afraid the pull out your treasure chest of AA-batter filled gadgets or go buy some shit together. Just because he can’t get you there with his penis, it doesn’t mean he can’t with a vibrating penis ring.

5. Show Him What You Want

Whether you have to create a diagram, buy some models of vaginas, or make a Powerpoint, show him exactly what you want, and where. Use labels. Color-code everything. Make up handy sayings so he remembers how you like it (“slow and steady makes me hot and ready”, “if it’s not oral, it’s not enough.” You get it). I’m not saying it’s romantic. I’m not saying it’s sexy. But I am saying that it will work. Hopefully.

6. Use A Visual Aid

Sometimes it helps to see something and say “that looks cool.” Just like you do with gifts or engagement rings, casually dropping a “I’d like that” hint could work wonders. Watch porn. Go to a sex club. Or hell, just watch a rated R romcom. Odds are there will be something there that will help spark your interest and make him realize, “oh shit, I need to do something other than just half-hearted thrusting for five minutes.”

7. Find Someone Else

If all else fails, there are plenty of other dicks in the sea.

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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