There are lots of different types of girls. The party girl. The girly-girl. The nerdy girl. The uh, slutty girl. But easily the best girl to be is “the cool girl.” I know I know. “That’s not true! Other girls are great too.” Yeah. I agree. But when it all comes down to it, the girl who’s hanging out with all of the guys, drinking beer, and making them laugh, all while looking totally chill yet beautiful is the girl you envy. It’s the girl we all envy. That bitch. Maybe it’s the way she draws attention without (seemingly) trying, or maybe it’s the fact that no matter how much you hate her, you lowkey wish you were her. Either way, she’s so annoying you wish you could steal her life. But not everyone can be a cool girl. I mean, sports? Beer? Video games? Not your thing.
But if you dream of hopping into that cool girl mode and reaping all of the benefits, here’s a handy guide to tricking everyone into thinking you’re not as lame as you really are. Trust me, it works like a charm.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Drink Beer.
How You Can Fool Them: If you’re not a fan of beer you have a few options. You can either make yourself like it by just forcing it down. You can drink “girly” beer, like ciders and fruit-infused beers, or you can just make sure to bring your own alcohol. It’s not the fact that you don’t drink beer, it’s the fact that you’re annoying about it. Have a mixed drink, don’t broadcast that you think beer is gross, and if you’re going somewhere where they only serve beer, ofter to DD. If people didn’t love you before, they will after you soberly offer to drive them all to Taco Bell at the end of the night.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Like Sports.
How You Can Fool Them: If you don’t like sports you can either give them a shot and really have an open mind, or just be cool with the idea of sports. A lot of girls mess up here by pretending to know all about football or whatever when a guy they like is into it, but then something happens and they end up looking like an idiot. If you don’t like sports than just learn to respect them. Understand that during football season your boyfriend will watch games almost every day. Instead of being a bitch about it (come on, you know you are), how about you sit next to him on the couch with your laptop, watch some Netflix, and drink his alcohol? Not hating sports is almost as good as liking them. Almost.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Be Cool With His Friends.
How You Can Fool Them: In a dream world you would instantly become best friends with his pals. In the real world, that doesn’t always happen. The way to be cool with his friends when you’re not is to just not be annoying. It’s that simple. Don’t be snotty when he says he wants to hang out with them, respect his time with them (and don’t text him a million times), and whenever you do get the chance to see them, spend your time trying to connect with them instead of just fawning over your boyfriend. You’ll get a lot further along by buying a round of shots for everyone that you will sticking your tongue down your boyfriend’s throat every five minutes.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Like Guy Movies.
How You Can Fool Them: And guy shows. And guy jokes. And basically “guy” anything. Sitting through a South Park marathon would be absolute torture if you despise the show. The only downside? Most guys love those. And when it comes time to pick a show or movie to watch, you’ll clash. First, I’d say give these programs a chance. I know you might have hated it the time you watched half an episode with your brother, but watching it with a guy you like, and laughing at the ridiculousness side by side, will bring you together more than you think. And if you really, truly can’t stand them, find a genre you both like, or suggest doing something else like eating or consuming alcohol. And if all else fails, have sex with him? I hear guys like that.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Not Be Obsessed With “Girl Things.”
How You Can Fool Them: I know it seems like “the cool girl” isn’t obsessed with reality TV, makeup, or shopping. But usually, that’s not the case. The difference is that “the cool girl” can gauge her audience. It’s not that she’s pretending to be someone else, it’s just that she’s reading the mood and her audience. If the people you’re hanging out with don’t love Harry Potter(idiots), you’re not going to talk about it forever, are you? If you’re around guys, realize that for the most part, they won’t want to talk about how hot Chris Pratt got. Gauge your audience and pick your conversation topics accordingly. Just because you love contouring doesn’t mean the guys you’re around want to hear about it.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Not Be Clingy.
How You Can Fool Them: Cool girls are so busy being cool they don’ even realize that their boyfriends are out at bars without them, right? No. Fuck no. The only difference is that “the cool girl” knows how to handle it. Whether it’s been a few hours since your boyfriend texted back, or he’s out at a bar with friends, or you don’t even know *what* he’s doing, the first rule to being cool is to, well, be cool. No matter how much you want to drown his phone with calls, if he doesn’t want to answer, he won’t. Take a deep breath, put your phone on silent, and do something else. Sometimes the less you talk, the less you say, and the less cards you show, the higher your value.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Be Good At Drinking Games.
How You Can Fool Them: Is anything more embarrassing than the moment when drinking games are suggested and you have to lie and say you’re allergic to ping pong balls to get out of playing? No. It’s the worst. So to not look like a total loser, there are a few things you can do. First, you can’t turn people down every time. If you’re invited to play, you should do it. Then, make sure you’re drunk enough that your shitty playing can be blamed on alcohol. Laugh and act like you’re having a good time, no matter how bad it is. And finally, ask for pointers and joke about your bad playing. People don’t care if you’re good, they just care if you’re fun to be around while you play. And hey, if you can sink a ball or flip a cup, they’ll like you even more.
What You’re Supposed To Do: Be Low-Maintenance.
How You Can Fool Them: Above all, “the cool girl” seems like she’s calm, chill, and goes with the flow. She looks effortless, doesn’t keep people waiting for hours, and is the first to volunteer for, well, anything. But it isn’t because she actually *is* low-maintenance. It’s because she knows what she has to do to make everyone think she’s relaxed. The reason she’s never super late? She’s starts getting ready an hour before you do. Why her look seems effortless? She spends her free time tanning, at the gym, and finding clothes that compliment her so that she’s naturally hot. And as for volunteering for everything? This is the girl who has practiced beer pong every chance she had, asked her ex every question about football, and perfected her chugging ability freshman year. It didn’t come naturally, she just put in the work.
No matter how chill she seems, “the cool girl” really tries harder than all of us. Gotta respect her hustle..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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