1. His Sunglasses Are Outdated
I have around 25 pairs of sunglasses in my collection, and I wear them all pretty regularly depending on the outfit, because I have an addiction, and I feel they are a fashion statement that enhances any outfit. Your boyfriend is dumb. He doesn’t realize that these puppies do more than just protect his eyes from the sun, so he’s still wearing Dad shades, because he never thought to buy a different pair from what his dad wore.
Solution: Aviators
They work for every guy’s face and they look stylish. They’re not too over-the-top stylish that he’ll put up a fight. He’ll just look decent.
2. He Carries A Drawstring Backpack
What is he poor? He can maybe — mayyyybeee — get away with carrying this to the gym, but if he’s going literally anywhere else with this thing, he’s going to look a fool. This summer, I assume you’ll be going places like the beach where you need to carry a few things, and you don’t want him to look like the faux ghetto guy in your high school that wears high socks with ADIDAS sandals. No.
Solution: Herschel Supply Heritage Backpack
Your boyfriend obviously isn’t going to carry around, like, a purse or something, but at least he’ll look like he has his shit together. Sometimes it’s better to give a fuck or two than none at all.
3. He Wears Disposable Flip Flops
I don’t know if Old Navy and the Dollar Store actually market their all plastic flip flops as disposable, but they are. They cost literally one dollar, which means the quality isn’t great. Plus they look disgusting especially on a man. In some circles, it is considered unreasonable to say that men need to have their feet covered at all times, so they need an alternative that distracts from their gross feet, rather than enhancing them.
Solution: Dunes Sandals
Available in blue and tan, these are acceptable footwear for your boyfriend at the beach or the pool, places you intend to take him this summer, embarrassment-free.
4. His Swim Trunks Are Too Long
If your boyfriend is still wearing knee-length swim trunks, he needs a stern talking to. We live in an age of equality, and that doesn’t mean that women cover themselves up, it means guys need to show a little leg.
Solution: A 6 or 7 inch inseam
Six or seven inches is the sweet spot, and this does have a double meaning, but it’s not intentional. However, if your boyfriend is a beginner in the short shorts department, Man Outfitters is offering a variety of lengths ranging from a five-inch inseam up to an eight-inch inseam, currently at 20% off.
5. He Doesn’t Own A Hawaiian
I don’t know how Hawaiians came in vogue, but they did, and they are essentially a staple in every man’s wardrobe right now. It’s not necessarily embarrassing if your boyfriend doesn’t have one, but I mean…what else is he going to wear to barbecues all summer?
These are cute as shit, and they come in both classic and hilarious patterns. Honestly, you should get one for yourself too. Over a dress, tied into shorts, or as a coverup, they are hella cute.
6. He Wears Shorts To Dinner
Yes, I know it’s summertime, and he’s bound to be hot. But in the winter, you don’t put on more clothes, you’re just cold. Now it’s his turn to be uncomfortable for the sake of fashion. If you’re at a nice restaurant, or even the bars in a lot of towns, simply put, he shouldn’t be wearing shorts. End. Of. Story.
Solution: Chinos
Chinos, offered in a variety of colors are fairly lightweight, so your boyfriend won’t bitch, but they still look nice and summery, yet appropriate once the sun goes down.
7. He’s Wearing Sneakers
Hard no. Hard fucking no. Sneakers are for the gym. And if he’s wearing gym shoes to non-gym places, that is a bad reflection on you.
Solution: Slip-ons
They’re lightweight and comfortable like sneakers, but they don’t make you want to kill yourself when you look at him! Win-win.
All the products listed in this article, as well as every other product on Man Outfitters is currently 20% for the Man Outfitters sitewide spring sale. Use the code SPRINGSALE at checkout before the offer expires tonight at midnight.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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