Yikes, this year has been a rough one, hasn’t it? The weight of the world is weighing down on your shoulders, and unfortunately, you are wearing that on your face. Your skin is dulling, your eyes are sinking, you have a weird breakout around your mouth that no acne medicine can even put a dent in. Instead of seeking professional help like a self-respecting person, just put some makeup on your face and shove the darkness down as far as you can.
1. Winged Eyeliner
Perfecting the classic winged eyeliner takes a lot of focus and precision. Which is good, because then maybe, for just one moment, you’ll be so focused on your eyeliner that you can’t think about all the sadness that is building up inside of you. Slay, bitch!
2. Smokey Eye
Oooh, sexy smokey eye. This look gives you a sultry, dark appeal, almost as dark as your soul. Balance the eyes with a lighter lip shade and a resting bitch face that gives off the vibe that you put the mess in hot mess.
3. Shimmery Highlighter
Brighten up your face with some shimmery highlighter. It’ll bring the light back into your skin that is now completely lacking life. Pair it with some contour and that will hollow out your cheeks and accentuate your complete lack of appetite for the last three months. You’re basically a Kardashian!
4. Ombré Lips
Ok, what THE fuck is going on with your mouth? It almost looks like it was on purpose, but it also looks like you were drinking out of a straw and it wiped off the lipstick on the inside part of your lips. But with everyone thinking about your lips, they won’t notice the constant self-deprecating remarks that comes out of them.
5. Colorful Eyebrows
How quirky! Colorful eyebrows show that you are fun and care-free. So care-free that it’s almost like you don’t even have an anxiety disorder that prevents you from participating in any sort of social situation. You know what? Fuck it. Just shave them off entirely. So edgy!
6. Lipliner Only
Again, your mouth. What is happening there? Did you get ready while you were still asleep? That wouldn’t make sense though, since the thoughts have kept you away for the last three days straight. Over line your lips for a dramatic effect, similar to this past drama-filled year.
7. Just A Shit Ton Of Mascara
Go to fuckin’ town with that mascara. Use 4 different tubes to layer on some fab tarantula-like lashes. Everyone will be so confused about how all of that gunk isn’t weighing down your eyelids that they’ll forget all about the fact you haven’t smiled in weeks. I’d warn you about crying it off, but you are so dead inside that you can no longer feel any human emotion.
8. Half Sugar Skull Face Paint
Halloween is long gone, but remember how awesome you looked with that half sugar face paint? And that flower headband? Gorgeous. On Halloween, you can be anyone you want, but why can’t that be true for every night? Tonight, be anything you want. Be a diva. Be a rockstar. Be a girl who doesn’t black out and call her ex boyfriend in hopes to fill the void in her heart.
You go, girl. To therapy. You need help..
Image via Shutterstock
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Ali Hin
A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.
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