8 Steps To Making Standards Your B*tch

8 Steps To Making Standards Your B*tch

1. Know your enemy.
The most important first step is finding out who you are going to have to deal with. All it takes is giving that one drink to that girl who has been on academic since you joined and you will have your answer.

2. Read the bylaws.
I know this sucks, but we can search documents nowadays, so suck it up and do your research. Make sure that you know your rights and if you think they are being violated, email your area coordinators. They’ll be on your standards chair’s ass making sure she is following protocol to the letter.

3. Find out who sent you.
Now this may not be possible, but in my experience the bitch that sent you isn’t exactly keeping her mouth shut. Hearsay isn’t a valid reason to get sent to standards. It has to be a firsthand account. Then call standards out on the fact that you know (if it’s supposed to be confidential). It is a dangerous power move but so is calling someone to standards.

4. Have a good relationship with your standards board, year-round.
I have been sent to discipline a number of times, and frankly being friends with people on standards is super helpful. They know you and what you have been going through recently. Even if you have to force yourself to sit through lunch once a week with your standards chair, the thirty minutes of torture is worth it – especially if it means never getting in trouble.

5. Know the dynamic.
Advisors are normally in on meetings, so if your advisor hates the discipline chair, play on it. If she is pissed at the chapter, play on it. You are trying to dismiss your case, not make friends with the fun killers.

6. Walk into your meeting like you own it.
Never let anyone in there intimidate you. Be respectful, but be pissed. If someone is lying, or you can even poke a hole in their story, do it. This isn’t a sisterhood event. You are trying to ensure you don’t have to be sober sister for the next month. Say you take honesty very seriously, and that you are hurt by your sisters not coming to you with their concerns. Most sororities have honesty or truth in their sayings, so reference that.

7. Be cutthroat.
I find it is best to go after the standards chair herself. If you have a video of her drunkenly wall twerking in some frat guy’s room, bring it up. Make this girl scared of what you are going to say next. Make her want to end the meeting, and get you the fuck out of there. I am not saying blackmail, but we are sisters and we know where the bodies are buried.

8. Don’t ever take shit.
Every girl in your sorority has fucked up, and most of them aren’t being called to Standards. Cry a little at the end to show vulnerability but walk out of that meeting with your head held high. Frankly you probably didn’t do anything that bad and Standards is just being a dick.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to understand that standards isn’t actually real and that none of this really matters. Your sisters will still be your sisters, and you’ll be off probation soon enough. If you get banned from social events — let’s face it — you can find other parties.

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