1. The Guy Who Planned The Trip
This is the guy equivalent to the girl who is the “mom” of your squad. This guy planned the trip, paid the deposit on the rental house, and is ultimately responsible for anything that can (and most likely will) go wrong. He tries to relax and drink off the stress but gets a stick repeatedly shoved up his ass every time someone accidentally breaks a window or pukes on the carpet. The entire trip this guy will regret being the one responsible enough to get everyone else’s shit together. This guy will never be the same guy two years in a row because he will learn his lesson real fucking quick.
2. The Guy With A Girlfriend Back Home
He’s the loyal boyfriend who truly believes it’s “cheating” to take a body shot off another girl during spring break when his girlfriend isn’t present. Although as women we applaud his self-discipline, during spring break we label this guy as a total buzzkill. He’s constantly on his phone texting and Snapchatting his lady and refuses to partake in anything the average college student on spring break would consider fun. He also refuses to share a bed with any of the girls on the trip and anyone who gets an entire bed to themselves is just downright annoying.
3. The Guy Who Can’t Handle His Liquor
He drinks straight vodka with his Cheerios in the morning and washes it down by shotgunning a FourLoco — all before 9 a.m. This guy’s drinking ability may appear impressive early on, but there is a zero percent chance he will ever make it to the beach and will spend the majority of the trip passed out on the floor or with his head in the toilet. No one wants to be this guy but if someone needs to repeatedly embarrass themselves for pictures, it might as well be him.
4. The Guy Who Ends Up In The Hospital
This guy is not to be confused with the guy who can’t handle his liquor. He can hold the booze down alright, he is just known for his over the top, “why the fuck would anyone voluntarily do that,” actions. This is the guy who tries to jump off the second story balcony just for a cool GoPro video or manages to knock out his two front teeth by leaping on the beer pong table. He is, without a doubt, “The Guy Who Planned The Trip’s” worst nightmare and biggest liability.
5. The Guy No One Actually Invited
Every fraternity has this guy. He’s kind of a douche, might be slightly attractive, but drives girls away faster that someone with the nickname “Herpes.” Sure, he’s a member of the fraternity. But it’s either because he’s legacy or he put on a super fucking good show during dirty rush. Because now? No one really likes him. He’s a dick to both his brothers and girls and often has an over-inflated ego. He’s the type of guy to call a brother’s long-term girlfriend fat or drink other people’s beer without asking. He is only on the trip because he saw people talking about it in his pledge class GroupMe and paid via Venmo so his attendance was a done deal.
6. The Guy Who Just Wants To Get Laid
Most of the guys you will encounter over spring break will fall into this category. These guys are the same guys who try to persuade you to give them blowjobs in the bushes at fraternity parties. But lucky for you if you meet one of these guys on spring break, chances are you never have to see him again (unlike the guy you blew at the frat party whom you are now forced to sit next to in Political Science class). This guy will sweet talk you, buy you shots, pose for your Instagram pictures and invite you back to wherever he’s staying the night. After what you thought was a great night of sex, you will assume that your hookup will turn into a one-week long drunken fling. This assumption is wrong. This guy will kick your ass out the next morning before any of his bros wake up and not even give you his phone number. He has his mind set not on hitting repeats but racking his number up all week. If you meet this guy over spring break don’t expect more than a one night stand and be fully prepared for a lost and probably still drunk walk of shame.
7. The Guy Who Ends Up In Jail
It takes a lot to get your ass incarcerated over spring break. If you are hitting up one of the top beach party destinations there are likely hundreds of thousands of people all wasted on a beach. So to get singled out by an officer you must be doing something pretty fucking bad. The guy who lands in the pen is either a super aggressive drunk who will immediately punch anyone who so much as brushes shoulders with him or is the “wanderer” (read: guy who will get drunk and decide to go on an adventure by himself and pass out on the side of the road) of the group. This is the guy who makes everyone else sober the fuck up for long enough to Uber to the county jail and max out your parents’ credit cards with cash withdrawals to pay his bail.
8. The Guy Who Is The Life Of The Party
This is the best kind of guy to meet during what is supposed to be the most fun week of the year. This guy just wants everyone to have a good time, but it comes naturally to him and isn’t forced. He has no problem throwing down his own cash for a keg to share, he always wants to make sure all the ladies have a full cup, and he’s down to play photographer for the perfect Insta pic. He keeps a smile on his face, never turns down a shot, can hold his liquor, and can frequently be found in the center of all social circles. When it comes to bedding a guy over break, 10/10 pick him above the rest.
Cheers to SB2k16!.
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Blonde_boozy
My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo
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