I know the names, colors, and mascots of all twenty-six Panhellenic sororities. It doesn’t sound like that big a deal — because twenty-six isn’t a very large number, yet most of the world — even most of the Greek world can’t do that. Sure, everyone knows Chi O, Zeta, DG, and ADPi. Most Greeks can name AXO, Alpha Phi, AOPi, DZ, GPhiB, KKG, KD, Theta, Tri Delta, and PiPhi.
Then there’s the rest of us. A few people know about sororities like AXiD, AEPhi, Tri Sig, Phi Mu, and Sigma Kappa — you know, if you have it at your school, or if your friend from home rushed that chapter. And then, the smallest of the small — ASA, AGD, AST, DPhiE, SDT, TPA, and Phi Sig — what’s good.
Let the record show, I love my sorority more than I love a lot of things, and I would not change my experience for anything in the world, but there are some things you get sick of when you’re in a small national organization.
1. “Oh, I’ve never heard of that sorority.”
First of all, fuck you. Second of all, I know. I know you’ve never heard of my sorority, because nobody has. But you’re lowkey being kind of rude right now. You’re accidentally telling me my chapter is insignificant, when it’s literally the only thing I care about, sooo?
2. “We don’t have that sorority at my school.”
We don’t have your sorority at my school, either. What’s your point?
3. “Is that a service sorority?”
No. If it was a service sorority, I would have said it was a service sorority. It’s a national Panhellenic organization, just like yours. If you haven’t heard of it, that just means you don’t know all the sororities — it doesn’t make mine any less “real.”
4. “Why didn’t you rush a bigger chapter like DG or Zeta?”
Because DG is terrible at my school? I mean, whatever, every sorority’s amazing, blah, blah, blah, and I’m sure it was nice for some people, and the girls were friendly, but DG was still terrible for me. Believe it or not, I signed my bid for the girls, not the letters.
5. “You’re not going to have as many opportunities postgrad in a small sorority.”
Yeah, but that’s sort of a bullshit line we tell our parents if they’re on the edge about letting us rush. You know as well as I do that you’re not going to go into an interview talking about ritual secrets anyway. I don’t think I’m going to end up destitute because I didn’t rush Zeta.
6. “Oh, I don’t think that sorority is good at my school.”
Cool, whatever, it’s really good at my school. Greek life is ~amazing~ in that no two chapters are exactly the same. Besides, I didn’t join for the rank. I joined for the sisterhood, and I blatantly think that any other reason to join a sorority is kind of bogus.
7. “Oooh, that sucks that you guys are small. I love running into sisters from around the world in random places.”
We’re small, but we’re actually not that small. We still have hundreds of thousands of members and alumnae and like 150 chapters. We’re out there. I’ve tossed the grip to a stranger or two.
8. “You totally could have gotten into a bigger chapter.”
Umm, what the fuck? You just insulted both me and every single one of my sisters from coast to coast in one fell swoop. I know I could have gotten into any sorority I wanted — because I did get into the sorority I wanted. I chose this. Telling me I’m “too good” for my sorority, which I hold with the highest regard, is not a compliment.
9. “Do you ever wish you were in a different sorority?”
Literally not ever. Not once. My sisters are my sisters and they’re the best people I’ve ever known. It sucks to hear questions like yours, but assholes like you could never make me feel differently about my sorority — you only make me feel differently about you..
Nice Move1461
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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