1. He’s bros with the administration.
Harry and his friends got in a ton of trouble, but it was all brushed under the rug, because the entire faculty worshipped him. He had VIP access to Dumbledore’s office, and his chapter advisor (McGonagall) basically endorsed his debauchery. Being bros with the administration. TFM.
2. He ALWAYS wore his letters.
Whatever, I know most of us can throw on a mixer tee or an intramural shirt and call it a day, but HP COMMITTED. That motherfucker was reppin’ Gryffindor all day every day. I mean, yeah, he lived in the frat castle, but he wore the coat of arms on all of his robes. There was NEVER a doubt that Harry was in the Gryff, and that’s because he’s FaF.
3. He kicked ass at intramurals.
Your flag football team doesn’t have SHIT on Quidditch. Harry was so committed to being frat he even skipped class to hone his Quidditch game, something his advisor (McGonagall) completely “turned a blind eye to.”
4. He had a huge ass trust fund.
HP was the ultimate entitled rich kid of the wizarding world. He was always paying for his friends to go out and have a good time, because he had a never ending supply of Wizard gold at Gringotts. He was all like, “Don’t worry, this round of Butterbeer is on me,” because he’s a baller, and that’s how he rolls. Also, he’s been famous since he didn’t die as an infant. He did nothing to deserve fame besides not die, and everyone was obsessed with him.
5. He never let a rivalry die.
Draco Malfoy? Fuck that kid. Harry Potter kept his competitive edge over Malfoy, and the rest of those Slytherin assholes, for years. Not only was he richer, but he was better at Quidditch and at getting the bitches than Malfoy. TFM.
6. He nailed the hottest girls.
Cho Chang? That girl he took to formal? His best friend’s sister? Yeah, Harry was in on that. I mean, look at the Yule Ball. Every girl on campus wanted to go with Harry, but he was way more concerned with hanging out with his bro (Ron) than his stupid date. She tried to make him jealous, but he was over it, because he’s Harry Potter, and he knows bitches ain’t shit but hoes and (magic) tricks.
7. His wand was one of the most desirable in the world.
That’s an innuendo.
8. He blew off more classes than he attended.
He showed up when he needed to, and that’s all that matters. Harry gave the minimal fucks about his academics, and he still became the most successful wizard in history. TFM.
9. He always had the best ride.
Did you ever hear Harry bitching about the “environment” or “oil emissions” or any of that GDI hipster shit? No. Harry had the Nimbus 2000, AND the Firebolt after he totaled his Nimbus 2000 (because he was TFTC), quite simply because he could. Since broomsticks were the currency of cool in the wizarding world, Harry had plenty of coin to throw around because he always had the baddest broomstick.
10. He didn’t give a fuck.
Troll in the bathroom? Dragons? LORD VOLDEMORT? Fuck it. This kid was ugly, but he was rich and famous, so he didn’t give a fuck that under no normal circumstances should he have been anyone worth noticing. He didn’t care that he pissed people off or broke rules. He was a crusader for justice, magic, and frattiness. Oh, and he saved the entire wizarding world. It’s a TFM.
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