With womanhood comes a lot of inconveniences: split ends (without which you’d have nothing to look at in class), the fact that most browns are too different to wear together, and the possibility that one day you will accidentally deliver a 15-pound infant, vaginally.
While someday I hope to be the most adorable pregnant lady ever, and some other day I hope to be the perfect Mommy, transitioning from the former to the latter is something I’m not looking forward to, especially after what I’ve just read.
British mother, Jade Packer, recently gave birth to her son, George King, who weighed in at 15.7 pounds, the fifth largest recorded birth. Other abnormally large newborns include the following:
Oregon has seen at least two 14-pound-plus babies born every year since 2005.
In 2012, in China, a 15.5-pound baby boy was born, via C-section, setting a countrywide record.
A 19-pound baby was born via C-section in Indonesia in 2011.
In 2011, a 16-pound baby boy was born in Texas via C-section and promptly nicknamed “Moose.”
According to the Guinness World Records, Ann Bates gave birth to the biggest newborn ever, in 1879 in Ohio, when her baby weighed in at a whopping 23 pounds, 12 ounces. He died within a day.
A 22-pound, 8-ounce baby born in Italy, in 1955, survived.
Apparently sonograms can’t accurately predict the size of a baby, so Jade didn’t know she was giving birth to something the size of a 6-month-old until doctors could fully see the baby’s head. The average baby is about 7.5 pounds at birth. This is like delivering two normal-sized infants at once, which is insane.
Do you understand the kind of repercussions that has to have on a woman’s body? She is ruined! People say you should wait until marriage to have babies because it’s best for the child, but the real reason is because that’s the only way to ensure that a man is stuck with your potentially destroyed ladyparts postpartum.
“Macrosomia,” or “large body,” is the medical term for a giant baby such as George King. Of course there are a number of complications that occur when something so big has to be pushed through something so small. He was deprived of oxygen for a full five minutes during birth, and was given only a 10% chance of survival. After a dangerous birth, and several weeks in the intensive care unit, the newborn has returned home. He’s healthy, but it’s still unclear whether he will have learning disabilities.
The baby has only gained one pound since his birth, several weeks ago, and is not expected to stay giant forever. Father, Ryan King, is hoping to say the same about the mother’s vagina, but the results are still inconclusive.
Image via CBS
Nice Move182
Respond
Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
vmruckh
veronica@grandex.co
