Intuitively, it sounds so gross, but I dare you to find me someone who’s never been guilty of not wanting to wash her hair. Guys will never understand it. You’re already in the shower, so why not just take the plunge? Well, because your lather, rinse, and repeat cycle doesn’t end in the shower. It breeds at least an hour-long process, beginning with some towel-drying, naked time, volumizing, blow-drying with a round brush, teasing, and then styling. It’s a lengthy process, and sometimes, you hit the snooze button one three too many times and you don’t have an hour to spare. Sometimes, you realize wherever you’re going isn’t worth all that effort, and sometimes, you just don’t fucking feel like doing it.
Luckily, some woman started a rumor that it’s “better for your hair” not to wash it every day, because shampoo “strips your hair of its natural oils.” And so it was.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in a time when we can just throw a white powder wig on top of our heads to hide our ordinarily perfect locks, so we’ve had to come up with some accommodations. On those days when your hangover is so bad that you feel you need Starbucks intravenously pumped throughout your body to keep you standing up straight, you’ll probably do one of these 15 ridiculous things to make it look like you’re not a complete disaster.
1. Put it in a ponytail.
It’s cool to mimic the slicked-back pony look circa 1998, right?
2. Wear a headband across your forehead, and tease the shit out of it.
No, guys, my hair looks disgusting intentionally. It’s like, ironic. I’m being a hippie for a day. See, I’m even wearing a vest.
3. Throw on a baseball cap.
With your letters on it, obviously. It’s JUST another way to represent. I could take it off if I wanted to.
4. Make use of the fedora you just had to have.
No big deal that you look like a douchebag, as long as you don’t look like a dirtbag.
5. Utilize the increasingly popular sock bun.
If your hair is in a giant faux bun on top of your head, nobody will know what it really looks like underneath all that.
6. Dry shampoo.
Probably the best invention since the tampon.
7. Run your baby powder-filled hands through your hair.
So you’re out of dry shampoo, but I guess it’s better to look like someone did cocaine off of your head than it would be to look like you’re growing dreads.
8. Curl it.
Everyone knows your hair holds a curl better if there are some natural oils going on.
9. Wear a giant fabric headband or scarf.
So what only a select few head shapes can pull this off? You’ve been wanting to pretend you were one of those people anyway.
10. Take a water spray bottle and dampen the entire thing.
You want it teetering on the edge of damp and wet, without crossing over. This is the only way for you curly-haired ladies to get the frizz down and reactivate the horrifying amount of product you use, without actually washing it.
11. Touch it repeatedly.
Sure, this is counterproductive, but you figure your hair might be like a superhero, and if you’re moving it around fast enough, no one will see it.
12. Braid it across your head, Lauren Conrad-style.
People will be too impressed with your hair styling skills to care about anything else.
13. Toss it in a messy bun.
If you really have no fucking time, you might just put it in a messy bun as you’re running out the door as if to say “Fuck it. I know what I look like.” This is typically accompanied by prayers to a deity that you won’t run into the guy you think you’re dating.
14. Wear a giant bow.
Just distract everyone from your hair with what you’re using to accessorize your hair. It totally works.
15. Place your sunglasses on top of your head.
Those giant shades can hide a bitch stare, so surely they can hide what’s going on with your hair.
The worst part is, more often than not, your attempt to disguise, cover, or accessorize your hair normally takes just as long as it would have to just wash it, you dirtbag. Oh, the irony.
- Image via Fuzzy Little Wishballs
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