I know that most girls who become pregnant in high school instantly recover from their slut reputations, have tons of time to focus on their school work, becoming exemplary students, date decent guys who open more doors than legs, and raise well-behaved children, who enjoy the benefits of mature parents with decent salaries. The same can be said of most people who enter the limelight, the only lighting worse than fluorescent lights, cast upon celebrities in their youth. Child stars are typically the most successful and respected stars in our Hollywood stratosphere.
Oh wait.
It’s no surprise that Teen Mom Farrah Abraham is now the star of not only a trashy MTV reality show, but also her very own sex tape. She denied having any knowledge of said sex tape’s existence to TMZ in an embarrassingly transparent paparazzi-style interview.
Unfortunately for the non-existent reputation the young mother was trying to uphold, James Deen, who’s apparently a *big deal* in the porn industry (get it?), admits to having shot the video on set with her. It’s usually clear that celebrity sex tapes are released purposefully, but filming one with a porn star on a porn set really makes the alternative obsolete. The two were, however, seen holding hands, to which Deen replied:
“Definitely not dating. Got tested together on Friday and then saw her on set. That is my only experience with the lady.”
How romantic. I get that Farrah wants to become a model, and I know that sex tapes have worked for celebrities who possess no real talent in the past, but this has only proved successful if you already have a really, really rich father, as was the case for Paris and Kim. If you wanted to become more famous, you should have just found a D-list celebrity to date you, ride his coattails for a while, and slowly climb the fame ladder. Much like your hour-long sex tape, featuring 30 minutes of penetration (which is indication enough that it’s choreographed), it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Image via Current News Today
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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