A customary rite of passage in every Greek goddess’s life is the stealing of fraternity paraphilia. Your sticky fingers will quickly gain confidence and you’ll upgrade to clothing and soon you’ll acquire the wardrobe of a half-assed, sloppily-dressed bumpkin.
1. First, Finest, Frattiest
This tank is the tank you are most proud to wear during every drunken day festivity. The top fraternity’s (which sketchily is/was on probation) letters are plastered all over it, along with some clever America/clothing logo rip off. The downside to this tank? The way it was obtained is probably unspeakable. It smells of natty ice, Gatlinburg hot tubs, and rage sweat. The upside of this tank? You have a reason to have a bitchy resting face while wearing it.
2. Philanthropy
Did you attend the sports tournament to benefit whatever? Absolutely not. But as you carelessly got dressed after a night of downtown drowning, you grabbed this little gem on your way out the door. Always feeling like a do-gooder while wearing this, you notice the bottom tier letters that you are now clad with. Yuck.
3. Formal Pinnie
You rightfully claimed this bad boy as you agreed to go spend a weekend raging with some middle tier nonsense. Bonus points if you managed to snag it without giving up the goods. While it’s not your favorite, it’ll do for a workout or an under-populated day rager.
4. Greek Week Tank
The drunkest week of Greek Life, this tank comes in many forms. Negative a thousand points if this tank is one that you purchased. Couldn’t you find a drunken man in your partner fraternity to steal from? It was probably designed by your tryhard type-A apparel chair, but still looks damn good with some XS norts.
5. Walk of Shame Tank
Unaware of what you were wearing while walking home at noon on a Tuesday? The entire fraternity was certainly aware. You made the mistake of shacking with Mr. McShack, and as punishment you are wearing the shirt for all shackers. It has some obscure logo across it so that all his brothers can now identify you…and the disgusting deeds you did the previous night.
6. The Pullover
Possibly the most coveted of all stolen male items: the Patagonia (or whatever upscale brand he prefers) pullover. This will be your go-to clothing for colder days, until he specifically asks for it back or one of your sisters calls you out for being a homeless hobo during brunch, which will happen.
7. Old Boyfriend Shirt
As a woman with a GDI ex, this shirt is still in every sorority girl’s closet. It might be at the back of the drawer, crumpled and stained with regret, but it’s there. Where might one don this embarrassing mark of the past? Welcome to all night study sessions, workouts, or coffee breaks. You can pretend it came from some obscure frat boy, but your sisters know better.
8. The Button-Down
If you are capable of escaping a frat-cave with one of these, props. Well, half-props actually. You have nowhere to wear this without looking like a tryhard. Might as well tattoo “Shacking, Stealing Whore” on your forehead. At least you have something to wear while you do your hair for formal.
9. School Logo Tank
This interesting gem has many possible origins. A sports-loving fraternity man, a football tailgate, or maybe you embarrassingly purchased it on your own. You probably woke up around 9pm after a day of tailgating and grabbed it on your way back to the bars.
10. Date Party Frocket
A wardrobe staple, this comes from a recent or long forgotten date party. The theme was probably something you can’t remember, but the oversized sleeves and pocket surround you like a cape of Greek glory every time you wear it. You confidently strut to class in this one, but know you’ll probably see twelve other sisters wearing it, too.
The Four-Loko stains may fade, but Greek apparel is forever.
Nice Move194
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BlingleWhiteFemale
BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.
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