Nelson Mandela’s memorial service was a smorgasbord of world leaders that, unbeknownst to most viewers, was a goddamn shit show. From Castro, to Desmond Tutu, to Dubya and Bono, diplomats and celebrities from across the globe traveled to South Africa to mourn the loss of a revered leader and the icon of a generation. This event should have been a beautiful moment in our World’s history, but apparently the event was thrown together by the producers of Jersey Shore. Major problems included breakdowns with the public transportation system, defective audio that kept thousands from hearing the speakers, and no security clearance when entering the stadium. Talk about amateur hour. This sounds similar to my high school homecoming assemblies when football players jumping up on stage went rogue and motioned to faculty that “they got this.”
One of the most notable failures of the event was the use of an unidentified man who seemed to have created his own clubhouse secret sign language. The fraudulent translator spent the entire ceremony translating for every speaker. Bruno Druchen, the federation’s national director spoke in an interview, saying the translator “was moving his hands around but there was no meaning to what he used his hands for.” He then went on to explain that he consulted three more sign language experts and they all concluded he wasn’t signing in South African or even American sign language. They even went as far to say that it couldn’t have actually been a real language because there was no structure to his hand movements. So basically, this guy either just wanted some face time during the ceremony or he’s a terrible dancer.
After reviewing the clip of the bogus translator, I’ve come up with a few things that I believe he was actually saying:
1. I want all the honeys in the crowd to find me on Twitter and DM me your digits.
2. I smell that too. I promise it wasn’t me. Must be this old guy yappin’.
3. Lost my car keys are the way in. If anyone spots a rainbow Cancun key chain, could you toss ‘em up to me?
4. Anybody want to grab a couple brewskis after this? These concession prices are ridonkulous. (I don’t know how you would sign ‘ridonkulous,’ but I assume it involves pointing towards your derriere, followed by a gesture that means “really big.” Similar to motioning that a chick has huge cans.)
5. I’ve been working on this new dance move. It’s called the Drunken Ninja Warrior. What do you chumps think of it?
The same interpreter did an event last year during which a similar problem occurred. Druchen said that a deaf audience member videotaped that performance and it was submitted to the African National Congress party along with a formal complaint. The federation ended up suggesting that the man should take five years of training and become a qualified interpreter. Looks like the guy’s getting sent back down to the minors.
[via NY Post]
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Babe Lincoln
Babe Lincoln (@Babe__Lincoln) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and spends the majority of her time knocking back Franzia and introducing herself as "the female Johnny Manziel."
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