I’m willing to bet that every single one of our sororities’ creeds says something about how important truth is. But if my years in college have taught me anything, it’s that truth is relative. It’s all about perspective–perspective we completely make up sometimes. While it’s great to be an honest person with a great internal moral compass or whatever, there will come a time when you have no choice but to tell a little white lie. I like to call them glitter lies–they just make everything seem prettier. I’ve yet to find anything I can’t improve with a little glitter, and in a few very special circumstances, that includes the truth.
When a PNM asks, “So does everyone in your chapter get along? Like, are all of you friends?”
Truth: Hahahaha. No. In what parallel universe would more than 100 girls all get along?
Glitter lie: “YEAH! It’s crazy, but we really are all such good friends. I feel so lucky to be in a sorority where there isn’t any cattiness.”
When the rare, elusive, nice guy you start to really like asks, “So, uhh, how many other guys have you been with?”
Truth: It shouldn’t matter, but you’re going to judge me no matter what I say, so…
Glitter lie: Whatever number doesn’t include the one night stands, the ones you don’t remember, or the ones you wish you didn’t remember.
When the undesirable guy at the bar asks, “Can I have your number?”
Truth: No, yuck. I’ve only been standing here so long because if I stop leaning on this wall I will tip over.
Glitter lie: “I’m actually in a relationship, sorry! Thanks, though. I’m really flattered.”
When your parents ask, “Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating well?”
Truth: I get six hours on a good night and I maybe eat one actual meal a day, because all of my calories come from booze. Seventy percent of the money you give me for food each month goes towards something other than actual food.
Glitter lie: “Yes, Mom. I go to bed by midnight every night, I eat breakfast before class, and I always have dinner plans…which get expensive. Maybe I could have some more money for food this month?”
When the nurse at the student health center asks, “Do you use condoms 100 percent of the time?”
Truth: LOL, IDK! #shame
Glitter lie: “Totally! Well, I’m pretty sure. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t use a condom.”
When a judgmental Tinder hater asks, “Have you ever met someone from Tinder in person?”
Truth: Like every other weekend for the past eight months of my life AND I LOVE IT.
Glitter lie: “Only once! We had a class together, too, so it doesn’t really count.”
When the child you babysit goes through your purse and discovers your birth control pills and asks, “What’s this? Can I have one?”
Truth: That’s all that separates me from the pregnant girls I judged in high school and the cast of “Teen Mom.”
Glitter lie: “Vitamins!”
Image via Pando Daily
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