My freshman year, I lived in the second shittiest dorm on campus, meaning it was the second most fun. As my parents dropped me off at my 12 x 8 cinderblock-laden, closetless, forced triple, my brother looked at me, hopped up on my lofted mattress, and said “Welcome to prison.” It did look like a prison. A lot like a prison. There was limited space, uncomfortable furniture, and there were three toilets, three sinks, and four showers to split between 40 girls. It was shitty. It was really shitty. But it was our home, and we loved it. I felt a kinship toward all those who shared the wonderful, awful experience that was Rodney, which we lovingly called the Rodjects.
Rumors that the University of Delaware plans to tear down Rodney have been floating around for years, much to the dismay of its former residents. But the dorm is still going strong, and I’m damn glad about it. That building has history. That building has character. That building has just been shit on by a bunch of sorority girls who spray painted coolers inside of it.
Let the record show that when I was a student at UD, cooler painting wasn’t a thing. Neither was tailgating because cold, and neither were bow ties. God, I hope bow ties aren’t a thing now. It’s my belief that I’m a part of the beast that made these things campus “traditions,” and as is congruent with all “traditions,” sorority girls have taken things overboard–and as is congruent with the administration, the repercussions for going overboard, are, well, overboard.
The following comes from an email that was sent to Rodney residents (Holllerrrr at me room 300, building A):
As formal season draws closer, we have seen an increased problem with residents spray painting coolers inside our halls and on university owned sidewalks. This demonstrates a complete lack of any respect for university property and your fellow community members, and we are quite frankly baffled that this would seem acceptable to anyone. The paint fumes are a significant nuisance to community members and the spray paint residue is not removable.
In response, we have reported several of these incidents to UDPD and Residence Life & Housing staff will continue to do so campus wide. UDPD has said they will pursue criminal charges against individuals found to have vandalized university property and student conduct charges could also result (your coolers will also be confiscated).
CRIMINAL charges for painting a cooler. Could you imagine getting locked up for this?
Inmate 1: What are you in for?
Inmate 2: Held up a liquor store.
Inmate 1: I beat this bitch up, because I thought she was fucking my boyfriend. What about you, blondie?
Sorority Girl: I crafted too hard.
It might not be that bad though. You can get a cool prison name or hook up with a girl and not feel like you’re a lesbian afterwards. Maybe get a Netflix original series inspired by your life. Could be pretty neat.
[h/t bcauteri]
Nice Move378
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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