Love stories like “Friends with Benefits” and “When Harry Met Sally…” have long told the beautiful and inspirational story of girls finding great relationships with their best guy friends. We all knew Rachel belonged with Ross, even before Rachel knew it herself. But what about the other side of the story, the side they don’t broadcast? The reality is that there are girls with guy friends who crush on them, whose feelings the girls don’t return. Sometimes, Lizzie just doesn’t like Gordo back.
It has recently become popular to accuse innocent girls of placing platonic guy friends in the sexual purgatory known as the “friend zone.” I assume that whoever invented this phrase was probably just some self-conscious, bitter guy who couldn’t score with a friend of his because she didn’t return his feelings, and thus decided to blame her for something she couldn’t help. Go figure.
Rejection sucks, and I get that. It’s a shitty feeling when someone doesn’t see you in the light you wish he or she would. It’s hard, and it’s something everyone deals with at least once in his or her life. All you can do is accept it, learn from it, and move on–all while realizing that it is not a reflection of your character or worth.
The friend zone stumps this process to overcomplicate the situation and antagonize women who reject men they don’t want to be with. It flips the situation to basically declare, “Hey, she doesn’t like me like that, therefore she’s a bitch for being my friend but not wanting to have sex with me.” This doesn’t sit right with me, and frankly, it kind of pisses me off.
Guys need to realize that when we say we don’t like them in that way, we mean it. The value of their friendship is important to us, and we’re not playing some petty mind game when we tell them that in all honesty. For anyone to flip the situation and blame us for something as simple is a lack of interest is wrong.
What’s ironic is that guys go on and on about how “complicated” we are, but after all this talk, they still expect that we are so simple as to have feelings for people after they’re simply nice to us. We have the right to be selective about who we date, based on who we actually have genuine feelings for. The sad truth is, we can’t help who we like. For example, I cannot explain my intense attraction to Draco Malfoy. He’s creepy, pale, and evil. But I’m in love with him.
No girl should be placed under fire for not reciprocating feelings for a guy. The idea that you owe more than friendship to any guy who wants to date you is just plain ridiculous. You aren’t obligated to accept any offer he gives you, and saying no to a guy doesn’t make you a bad person. It means that you’re smart enough to know what you want, and that you respect yourself enough to not settle for anything else. You have the right to your own choices, and you are worthy of real friendships. The “friend zone” is a myth; don’t let anyone make you feel bad for sticking to your guns and making your own decisions about your relationships.
Image via tumblr
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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