23 Things Better Than Having A Baby

The baby fever is no joke, ladies.

Sleeping for hours on end.
Not getting any sleep at all because you’ve been doing fun things, such as going out or binge watching “SVU.”
Sanity.
Not dealing with excessive bullshit, or actual shit. Ew, why is that stuff green?
The satisfaction of strolling past the crying baby in the grocery store without a care in the world.
Or on an airplane.
Or really anywhere, honestly.
Tight, unstretched skin that’s free of stretch marks.
Speaking of stretched out… *cringe*
Being completely and totally irresponsible, because you can.
Swear words.
Waking up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, not the walking dead.
Pets. Just as cute, but with half the work.
Want to spend $150 at Target on random things you don’t need? Go for it.
Knowing “Is that #1 or #2?” isn’t something in your daily vocabulary.
Listening to dirty rap songs at an alarmingly loud level.
Watching PG-13 and R-rated movies without skipping past scenes.
Sweet, sweet freedom.
Lying in bed. All. Day.
Perky boobs and a great ass.
Smelling like a bed of roses instead of spit up and dried boob milk.
Did I mention not changing any diapers?
Thinking the world revovles around you–which it totally does, for now.

Popular Columns