Mason jars are having a moment. Pinterest is full of them as cheap and effective DIY tools, and it’s always comforting to know that if you screw up a crafting project, you can always recycle the end result (so the only hurt party is your feelings and not the environment). We all knew your feelings concerning Pinterest were forfeit anyway.

Because we’re so damn used to using Mason jars as disgustingly quaint glasses and votives, it’s time to start exploring their other, less overplayed uses.

1. To catch and collect the tears of your enemies.
2. Decorate them with glitter and tie a ribbon around the neck as a fun Xanax container.
3. Monogram and fill with whiskey or bourbon to give to certain members of fraternities to mark your territory.
4. Whisper all your deepest, darkest fears into it, seal the lid so they can’t escape, and then hurl it at the nearest rival sorority.
5. Use it as a swear jar to buy alcohol.
6. If you couldn’t afford to go on spring break to St. Barth’s with the rest of your sorority, get wasted in the comfort of your own home and throw blue and green jars at the wall. Collect the shards in lieu of the sea glass you would have taken back from the trip.
7. Paint your monogram on it before inserting a lit, greased rag and hurling it at rival sororities.
8. Hoard dozens and dozens of them in your room to deter any unwanted male suitors.
9. Fill with thumb tacks to pin things to the physical “dream board” in your room, or use as a weapon toward anyone you want to leave your room.
10. Cut a slit through the top of the lid and give to the Jewish fraternities for them to use as a Tzedakah (charity) box.
11. Grow herbs in there. Any type of herb. You name it.
12. Use them to bottle and sell the moonshine your sorority has been making in the unused bathtub on the third floor (where the president and her ex banged for the first time, so it has been deemed unfit to use for anything else).
13. Make one into a time capsule that represents the “old you” (the rest of the box of post-breakup twinkies you’ve been inhaling) and bury it as a pointless, pointless, symbol of rebirth.

Image via Pinterest

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sarahsolfails

To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough." Writer living in NYC.

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