Your best friend is your life source, and living with her can be the best experience of your life. She’ll always be around to celebrate the end of another scholastic week of hell, zip up the back of your dress when you can’t reach it, and join in on an afternoon wine binge. She’s just a few feet away when you need her to give you a post-coital pep talk, let you in when you repeatedly lose your keys, and remind you what happened the night before (or rather, join in your perpetual confusion). Moving in with your BFF is great, because while you’re experiencing all that college has to offer with your partner in crime nearby, you’re also learning new things about her. You’re excited to discover some of them–and some are just really fucking weird. Either way, it’s inevitable that when you move in with a friend, you will learn some, if not all, of the following.
1. What time of day she is most likely to be pants-less.
2. That one weird thing she loves to eat, like whole pickles straight from the jar or potato chips with ketchup.
3. The exact time she has to take her birth control, as well as the exact time she actually takes it.
4. What her hair and makeup looks like immediately after sex.
5. Her one random, unrealistic phobia. Like a lingering fear that the guy in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” will come and chop her to pieces while she’s in the shower.
6. Those few, unimportant things the two of you will never agree on, but will always fight about.
7. How comfortable she is borrowing your clothes without actually asking. Your closet is as good as hers.
8. How comfortable she is borrowing your food without actually asking. Your pantry is as good as hers.
9. Every single guy she booty calls, as well as how the suitors feel about you screaming “SHACKER!” when they exit the next morning.
10. The weird TV shows she won’t admit to watching, like “Breaking Amish” and “My Strange Addiction.” You’ll probably start to like them a little bit, though you’d never admit it to her.
11. How often she argues with her parents on the phone.
12. One of the following: 1. How much she is willing to help with the chores, or 2. What mysterious illness she will fall under when it comes time to clean up.
13. The one butt ugly thing she loves to wear, like a gross, oversized cardigan or the sweatpants she never washes.
14. Exactly how far she is willing to take a prank war.
15. Her token phrase that she’ll say when she’s really ticked off, like “it’s whatever,” or “oh.”
16. WAY too much information about her bowel movements.
17. Her friends who annoy the shit out of you. She’ll probably have them over, and you’ll definitely pretend to be asleep.
18. What she looks like completely naked. It’s going to happen.
19. The one song you both can’t get enough of, which often induces spontaneous, dorky dance moves between the two of you.
20. When her period is, as well as what you should do to avoid inducing a cry-fest when she’s PMSing.
21. Her drunk food of choice.
22. Her stoned food of choice.
23. How easy it is to convince her to go out with you, even if she has an exam the next day.
24. What she’s looking for in a guy, and the slim number of guys she dates who actually possess any of those qualities.
25. How long it takes her to get ready. (Answer: forever.)
26. Every sketchy and impressively illegal thing she does, for which you would never rat her out.
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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