Despite having coexisted on the same planet with them for thousands of years, men are still totally perplexed by us. Though they’re the ones who get seriously and emotionally invested in Fantasy Football and video games, somehow women are still considered much more of a mystery than men. The male psyche simply cannot understand many of the things women do. We really can’t hold it against them; their brains are just wired differently. Sometimes we can explain a female phenomenon (something women do that men claim to not “get”) but there are a few where if we try to explain, it will only result in extreme frustration and mutual disdain. The following are female phenomena that are better left unexplained, regardless of how rational they may seem to us.
Why we pencil in our eyebrows.
Because there’s not much in this life we can control, but we can make sure our brows are plucked and penciled to Brooke Shields-like perfection. The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but the eyebrows are the curtains on those windows that let other people know what kind of person you are.
Why we don’t order our own fries.
Because everyone knows that there aren’t any calories in something you eat off of someone else’s plate.
Why we’re “trying to be healthy” when you want to get a pizza, but have no problem drinking an entire bottle of wine.
Because priorities.
Why we’re still wearing a bar wristband on Tuesday.
Because one, it’s a bracelet. Two, it makes us feel social and cool. Three, it’s pink.
Why we hang out with girls we don’t like.
Because it’s something to talk about with the girls we DO like.
The colors taupe or mauve.
Because if they didn’t learn it in Kindergarten on “Rainbow Day,” they’ll think you’re making it up–so just don’t even try.
Flash tattoos.
Because they’re shiny and make us feel like sexy gypsies.
Why we complain about being broke then buy new going out shoes.
Because we can’t go out barefoot, and if we don’t go out then we’re wasting our priceless youth.
Why we purposely watch movies or listen to songs that make us cry.
Because there is nothing more therapeutic than a good cry in a controlled environment about something that doesn’t actually affect our lives.
Why we’re obsessed with Pinterest.
Like the allure of porn for men, just because it isn’t real, it’s still fun to look at and imagine for ourselves.
Why we have more than one product in our showers.
Because contrary to popular male belief, body soap, face wash, and shampoo are not all the same thing.
Why we open our mouths when applying mascara.
Because no one knows. .
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