Olivia Benson
Benson is the chick who basically has it all. She’s involved in ten thousand different student organizations, holds an exec position, and still maintains a high GPA. She probably has some baggage behind her perfectly lined eyes, but you’d never realize it because she’s busy scoring the hottest frat boys for formals and then dumping them five seconds after they realize what a gem she is and fall madly in love. She doesn’t really give a shit, though. Her schedule is so full that she barely has time to remember their names, and you worship her for that. She also has such perfect bone structure that she could rock a pixie cut, deeming her your ultimate girl crush.
Elliot Stabler
Stabler is that one girl who’s really ridiculously good looking, but she has absolutely no idea exactly how hot she is. This works in your favor, because she’ll still hang around you even though you’re a solid three ranks below her. She may be gorgeous, but she has a ton of emotions that you can never keep up with. She has a thousand internal conflicts on a daily basis, and ultimately, she decides to take the most moral but challenging route.
John Munch
Munch is that really bizarre girl who you keep around for shits and gigs. She’s probably from a really strange place a million miles away, but you never actually remember where she came from. It’s safe to assume she has, at one point, been in the witness protection program. She’s most likely a legacy, because although you realize how cool she is now, you thought she was a total kook the first five times you met her.
George Huang
Huang is obviously your rock. She’s a shoulder to cry on, gives you the advice you need to hear, and, most importantly, she’s the reason you don’t have to pay for an actual psychologist. She knows how to help you through a tough situation, and she always keeps her cool. She probably does yoga 15 times a day, because she’s always so level-headed despite her intense, upper-level course load.
Donald Cragen
The Captain is your overly maternal standards chair. She always speaks to sisters who repeatedly screw up as if they are small children incapable of reciting the alphabet, much less keeping their shit together during a social. You hate her at times, but you know the whole operation would fall apart if she wasn’t there to cover for your ass every time you overstep your boundaries.
Fin Tutuola
Fin is your chapter’s token ghetto chick. She knows tons of different people from every corner of campus, so walking to class with her takes an hour because she stops to talk to every dreadlocked hipster and stoner on the way. You have literally no idea how she knows everyone, but it’s probably best that way. You don’t see her around the house or even at Greek events very often, because she usually prefers the company of GDIs who are too cool to know that you exist. She has a consistent “fuck the rules” attitude that sometimes gets her into trouble, but she’d never apologize. You love her because she adds a bit of spice into your sorority’s general makeup, and she always has the most badass stories to tell when you’re waiting in line for chapter. You wish you were as cool as she is, but you never will be..
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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