“Go ahead baby, give me a little twirl.”
I stared at the balding, older gentleman on the screen of my computer. He was lonely, horny, and spending way too much money talking to a random 19-year-old girl.
In case you hadn’t guessed (and if you have more morals than I do, you probably didn’t) I was a giving webcam modeling a try, because why the hell not?
Well, why not, would be because it’s awkward, weird, and yeah, kind of gross. In case you’re unaware of what “webcam” modeling is, it’s like phone sex, but with visuals. Instead of just saying “I want to put your cock in my mouth” you would literally, well, put a cock in your mouth (usually rubber) while staring into the eye of a webcam. Totally romantic and perfect for any wholesome girl looking to make a little bit of cash. Why I personally decided to do this is the same reason any pretty, desperate girl decides to start stripping, or working at Forever 21. I was poor, bored, and trying to pay my tuition.
I had Googled “How to make money from home” because, come on. I didn’t want to actually work for my money. What do you think I am? A peasant? When it came down to it, I had three choices. Phone sex (classic), webcam modeling, or one of many pyramid schemes. In all honesty, I wanted to be a phone girl. I mean, I could just lay in bed wearing a giant t-shirt and moan “oh daddy, faster” every once in awhile while eating Doritos. Phone Sex 101: You need a landline. And me, the poor 19-year-old, did not have one of those. So I figured, what the hell. Time to begin my porn career.
Webcam Modeling Tip 1: It’s Not Porn
Like, at all. You’re fucking yourself. Not someone else. Duh.
And just like that, I become a “model.” Maybe I was dazzled by the word, or quite possibly I was feeling good about all of the stellar testimonials I read. Either way, I was confident that I was meant to do this. I snapped a few quick pics of myself, my driver’s license (apparently this is actually legal, so they needed documentation), and my body, and started making a profile.
Username: KittyKat69 (of course)
Body Type: Fuckable
Hair Color: Bleach Bottle Blonde
Height: About as average as you can get
Age:Old enough to party
Cam Level:
That’s where I got stumped. The website had three levels. Hardcore (which basically meant I was going full beaver on-camera), Softcore (which meant I could show tits but no vag), and Little Bitch (which meant I could strip down to my pantaloons, but couldn’t show nip). A normal, well-adjusted, intelligent new cam model would pick the “Little Bitch” choice. You know, get used to being on screen, become comfortable, lube the entrance into the porn world, if you will. I however, did not think like that.
Cam Level: Hardcore.
Go vag-out or go home, amiright?
Webcam Modeling Tip 2: Do Not Start “Vag-Out”
It’s like being thrown into a a giant swimming pool and you don’t know how to swim. Except instead of water it’s a whole bunch of guys asking you to “stick your finger up your – ” well. You get it.
Still, I wasn’t a “Litte Bitch” (I was, I just didn’t know it yet). I was a boss-ass bitch. A porn star-ass bitch. A smart-ass bitch. And I was going to become webcam famous. After deciding whether or not to shave a landing strip (I decided against it, since I didn’t have any pubes to start with) I got into full slut mode. Hair in pigtails (total porn move), revealing lingerie, and no sign of morals anywhere. I looked like I sucked dick for a living. Despite my lack of festive vaginal hair, I was perfect. Besides, it’s not like they were really going to see it, right?
Webcam Modeling Tip 3: They’ll See It
That’s why it’s on a webcam and not on the phone. And if you don’t immediately show it, they’ll ask. Or worse, leave.
I plopped in front of my computer and logged into my account. A window popped up asking, “Are you ready to go LIVE?”
Was I? Was I ready? I looked around. Other than that vintage Lisa Frank poster hanging above my bed (respect), my room seemed pretty legit. Low key, sexual. I went to turn down the lighting and decided against it. These guys wanted to see my body, that was the whole point. The brighter the better!
Webcam Modeling Tip 4: Turn The Lighting Down
Brighter isn’t better. Dimmer is better. Or better yet, no lighting is better. Pitch black makes everyone look ten pounds lighter. Do yourself and your “customers” a favor and turn the lighting down.
I clicked “Go LIVE!” and immediately saw myself on a screen. My breasts poked up from my push up bra and my chin looked, well, not so great from this angle. Shit. I picked up my computer to find better lighting and heard some rapid “pinging” noises. I looked at the chat under my “LIVE” cam and noticed that comments that were popping up from viewers.
adamFUCKSeve: 2 many clothes *leaves room*
JERRYJOHNSON: do something. anything. anything…? *leaves room*
vaginaslayer007: no nip, many problems *leaves room*
niccoxxx: stop spinning!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!! *leaves room*
JFucksK:
bigRICHARD: lame *leaves room*
Webcam Modeling Tip 5: Don’t Go “LIVE” Until You’re Ready To Go “LIVE”
Otherwise everyone will hate you.
WHAT THE FUCK? No! Stop leaving! I frantically tried to keep the ten viewers I still had in my room by awkwardly seductively pushing my boobs together and saying “please stay” with a pouty look on my face. Six more viewers left. Just as I was about to whip out my tit to lure people back in, another message popped up.
A private session? From what I had gathered from the five minutes I spent skimming the “How To Be The BEST Model EVERRRR” tutorial, private sessions were good. Not only did it mean that I was actually doing a great job (duh), but they were worth about $1 per minute. How weird could it be?
Webcam Modeling Tip 6: It Could Be VERY Weird
It’s like having Skype sex. Except worse. You have to stare into the eyes of this rando while you touch yourself and pray that a virus takes over your computer because it’s that fucking awkward.
I clicked “accept” and an older, balding man popped up on my screen. The moment we locked eyes and smiled, I knew things were about to get real weird, real fast. He looked like he was in his mid-sixties, and had the face of a man whose penis had never been touched by another human. Ever. Basically, he was my nightmare. I tried to casually move my hand to the mouse to exit out this strange situation, when he started talking.
T.Terry: Hi there pretty girl. Are you new to this?
I gulped. I knew as soon as I opened my mouth to answer I would have to commit. Was I ready to let this old guy check out my lumps? My lumps? My lovely lady lumps?
T.Terry: Hello? Did you hear me?
Fuck.
Me: Hi. Yes. Hi. Sorry, I was distracted by… how hot you are.
What the…?
T.Terry: Aww baby. That’s so sweet of you. You look like a sweet baby. Are you going to be sweet to me, baby?
EW.
Me: Uh.. ewwyes. I mean, yes. Of course. I’m just new to this whole thing. I don’t really know what to do…
T.Terry: Well, a lot of girls turn on music and dance around. You can do that if you’d like. Maybe take your top off.
LOL, no. I hoped that we would have lasted longer than thirty seconds before I had to show tit. Sigh. I thought you were better than that, T.Terry.
Me: How about I dance around for you, and then you tell me a little bit about yourself?
I stood up before he had a chance to answer and began twirling around. I shook my ass and started dry humping the corner of my bed. Guys like that, right? I didn’t matter because I felt like a goddess. A dry humping, webcam sex goddess. Sure, it was sort of weird, but whatever! I was a free spirit! I was a strong woman! And hey, he hadn’t even whipped out his dick yet. Most likely I wouldn’t even have to look at it.
Webcam Modeling Tip 7: You’re Going To Have To Look At It
He’s not paying you to be “just internet friends.”
I twirled back to the screen and found myself face-to-face with a boner. An old boner. A not-quite-big-enough boner. I choked back a scream and immediately looked away.
Me: HI! WAIT? TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF!
T.Terry: You like what you see, baby?
No fucking way in hell.
Me: …Yeah. Sure. I mean, that’s a dick right there. A uh. A man dick.
T.Terry: Yeah it is.
Me: Yeah…Anyway. You were going to tell me about yourself.
T.Terry: Alright, but only because you begged.
Gag.
The next one hundred and forty-seven minutes of my life were spent listening to T.Terry talk/cry about his divorce, his obsession with Sci-Fi, and the novella (his words, not mine) he was working on. In between making me pretend to give a shit about his life, he would say “Go ahead baby, give me a little twirl.” Which I did. Finally, just as I was about to fall asleep from the most uneventful first webcam night ever, he said the magic words.
T.Terry: I want you to make me cum.
Ugh. Show time. I had gotten so far without actually showing any “private” part of my body, and I kind of wanted to keep it that way. I considered just showing my vag but like, my porn career was just getting started, you know? I had a lot to live for, and he didn’t deserve my beautiful lady flower. In a genius move, I bent my elbow, put my finger in the crease, and got real close to the camera. Sure, me creating a makeshift butt with my arm might not have been what T.Terry had dreamed of, but that’s what T.Terry was going to get.
He pulled out his penis and my mind went blank. What do you say? I wish I wasn’t looking at this? Make it stop? Go back to your ex-wife, Judy?
Me: Yum, yum.
Webcam Modeling Tip 8: You’re Going To Have To Compliment It
So be ready. Have a few go-to lines. “Yum yum” should not be one of them.
As soon as I heard the classic male moaning, I said some sort of “your penis scares, me I need to go, bye” sign-off and exited out of the call. Over the next two weeks T.Terry would send me money ($5 here, $10 there) and beg me to give him feedback on the chapters of his book that he sent me (they sucked. Sorry, bud). After cashing out, I said goodbye to “KittyKat69.” We had some good times (JK, we had one time), but the model life just wasn’t for me. Granted, I never showed my beaver (or lack of one, since I’m hairless) but for some reason I felt a little bit like a prostitute. A high end, lazy prostitute, but still.
Webcam Modeling Tip 9: Buy Yourself Something Nice
You earned it.
Still, I learned a few things. Guys are disgusting, old men have old penises, and no matter what, you still get paid. So, in the most ironic twist of all, I took my $152 dollars and purchased a high end vibrator. I figured, if these guys weren’t going to virtually fuck me, I might as well fuck myself, right?.
Image via Shutterstock
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