The First Girlfriends Club (A Prequel)
Before Elise, Annie, Brenda, and Cynthia met. Before Cynthia killed herself. Before the women came together to extract revenge on their husbands. There was The First Girlfriends Club. This prequel to The First Wives Club centers upon Cynthia, the elegant divorcé who seems glamorous AF, yet due to a tragic death has a very minor role in FWC. In FGC, we come to understand why Cynthia’s ex-husband’s new marriage was the last straw and just how she came to be so well-dressed. Prior to meeting the other three, Cynthia was in a serious relationship with a fraternity man. Things were going great until he cheated on her with a girl who was still in high school (was she even legal, Cash Montgomery?). Even at the tender age of nineteen, our girl Cyn is utterly fab and does not take it lying down. Instead, she organizes several other girlfriends whose ex-baes were less than faithful, and a series of hilarious revenge plots take place. Throughout the film, Cynthia and her pals are dressed to the nines, and somehow always find the time between retribution ploys to brunch.
He’s Just Too Into You (A Sequel)
When we left Gigi, she and Alex had finally gotten together. We all know that homegirl had a history of coming across as a stage 5 in relationships, and in this sequel, she narrates a series of relationship blunders in which the guys are the ones who can’t control themselves. Girls constantly get the rep of being “crazy,” “psycho,” and “needy,” but as any girl worth her marg salt knows, guys can be just as bad. Marcus is a sexy but sweet barista who means well, but just can’t seem to get over his ex. Even though they broke up four years ago and only dated for six months, he deems it acceptable to regularly contact her asking if she would like to “grab coffee” and “talk about where they went wrong”. Will is a handsome stockbroker who doesn’t understand why random Facebook pokes and overeager messages to girls he has no mutual friends with go unreciprocated day after day. Collin is a young surgeon who can’t figure out why his regular hookup blocked him after he called her twenty times in a row at 1am last Saturday. These guys may seem nuts, but they aren’t without hope. Gigi’s first lines in the movie would inevitably be, “I used to be just like you…”.
Mean Grannies (A Sequel)
Technically there is already a sequel to Mean Girls, but it’s atrocious, so I’m making a new one. Fastforward sixty years. The Plastics are back, and this time it’s not North Shore High School that they’re running, it’s North Shore Senior Center. The saying goes, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and Regina George never actually learned how to be nice. After spending several decades apart, The Plastics still remember their high school glory days fondly. Well, Gretchen and Regina do – Karen has early onset dementia. The gals are in charge of planning the annual Senior Ball, and their top priorities are finding a date whose hairline hasn’t receded too much and a dress that makes their varicose veins blend in. That is, until a new senior arrives, threatening everything. The broad’s name is Jeanie and her racy synchronized swimming routine has caught the eye of every old man who can still see. Is it Cady all over again?
Clued In (A Prequel)
When Cher Horowitz first introduced us to the framed painting of her mother hanging in the mansion’s entry, interests immediately piqued. Who was this older betty? Was she just as clueless as Cher? Or was she a bit more… Clued In? This prequel to our favorite movie follows Cher’s mom, Kimberley. Kimberley died due to a freak accident during a routine liposuction procedure- or did she? This prequel backtracks to the months preceding Kim’s death. As it turns out, she was on the trail of a plastic surgery scandal bound to shake Beverly Hills the way Watergate shook Washington. A ring of plastic surgeons were secretly keeping logs of the transformations Hollywood starlets underwent in order to exploit and blackmail the girls for all they’re worth. With better clothes than the Brat Pack, Kim set out to stop the scheme that ends up having ties to both Tom Cruise and Scientology. Lipo-gate runs too deep, and Kim soon finds herself over her head. The movie ends in a cliff-hanger that Cher’s daughter will eventually unravel in Clueless’s sequel..
Image via Youtube / Paramount Movies
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Lindeliciousss
A native Seattleite and self-proclaimed Snapchat queen, she's been a coffee addict since she found out what a coffee bean was. Believer in and promoter of the #freeguac and #freegucci movements. She is obsessed with all things Harry Potter and has been known to stop people at parties to tell them how to remove the wine from their clothes. In her spare time, she enjoys baking, writing for TSM, and pretending like she has her act together. Hit her up @ lindeliciousss@gmail.com
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