Far and wide, the fraternity tryhard has been mocked and ridiculed. There’s a whole series about it on TFM. Fail Friday? Maybe you’ve heard of it. TSM Fail Friday would never work. Girls can’t handle that kind of heat. Boys make fun of each other and laugh. When girls do it, we’re “tearing other women down.” A double standard we’ve created all on our own!

But the sorority try-hard is alive and well, whether we’re publicly having a go at her or not. She’s out there, and she’s just as bad — maybe even worse — than her male counterpart. It’s more than just wearing a lot of Lilly and clutching her grandmother’s pearls. If that’s your style, it’s your style (Just kidding. You’re probably a tryhard). It’s more about who she is at her core. At her humorless, holier-than-thou, sorority martyr core.

1. You’ve campaigned to be a fraternity’s sweetheart, because nothing proves just how *~*srat*~* you are like plastering your face on a fraternity’s composite.
2. You’ve priced something high to low while online shopping, because sales are for poors.
3. Your vibrator is your favorite Lilly print. Hand painted, of course.
4. You’ve pointed out the logistical fallacies in Legally Blonde and House Bunny because “they don’t accurately portray Greek life.”
5. You’re OBSESSED with Starbucks, but you don’t know about their secret menu.
6. JK, there’s no secret menu.
7. Or is there?
8. You wouldn’t eat the cake at your cousin’s wedding, because you didn’t get a slice from the top tier.
9. You broke out in hives when your mom forced you to wear a t-shirt that fit you.
10. You’ve called a sister to standards.
11. You still say you can’t even.
12. Bitch, we’ve all been out here with the full capacity to even, for like, eight months.
13. You’ve bragged aggressively about how difficult your coursework is to prove you’re not stupid.
14. But if it’s difficult for you, then maybe….
15. I’m KIDDING! Relax. But if you got mad at that, you’re a tryhard.
16. You don’t eat cheese fries, because the main ingredient is cellulite.
17. Your feelings on Taylor Swift vary depending whether it’s on trend to love her or hate her.
18. You’ve used statistics like volunteer hours or GPA in a comment somewhere on the internet to defend Greek life.
19. You walk around the grocery store ranking people on a scale from 1-5 based on their personality and presentation. You know, out of habit.
20. You claim to loooove wine, but you’ve only ever had Franzia and Moscato.
21. You carry glitter around in your pocket in case you ever feel the sporadic need to blow some.
22. You wrote a term paper using the Greek alphabet, because fuck GDIs.
23. Your flower crown doubles as a door wreath.
24. You do a little too much for the ‘gram.
25. You refused to go to your grandmother’s 70th birthday party, because the venue served Pepsi products.
26. You’ve shared Odyssey articles about what it REALLY means to be in a sorority with some heart emojis.
27. Maybe you even wrote one?
28. You’ve stood outside a building for 15 minutes waiting for someone else to go inside, because you don’t open your own doors.
29. You won’t let him cum in the condom, because you love a good pearl necklace moment.
30. You’ve scolded people at laughing about something because it’s NOT funny, while simultaneously preaching that they can’t tell other people how to live their lives.
31. You started calling your dad “Daddy” when you were 19 years old.
32. You’re allergic to pineapple but you bought one to take a picture with.
33. Bonus points if you bought a swan float, but you don’t have a pool.
34. You’ve considered naming your daughters Lilly, Tory, and Kate.
35. You don’t drink mimosas, because orange juice is acidic, not basic.
36. You pretended not to understand that science joke.
37. You pronounce “feta” to rhyme with “theta,” because it’s proper Greek, and goddammit, so are you..

Nice Move445

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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