1. Talking to your house mom when you are roaring drunk is more than nerve-wracking. You don’t want her judging you and giving you a life lesson.
2. Justin Bieber is not dating Selena.
3. But even worse, he isn’t dating you.
4. Rain is messing up the outfit you took forever to put together.
5. He hasn’t texted you back in 27 minutes because he’s obviously boning some other girl.
6. Your boobs aren’t big enough.
7. Or your ass.
8. But your thighs are.
9. ANOTHER one of your friends got engaged. The only gents you talk to are your dad, brother, and favorite bartender. #SingleForever
10. On the rare occasion that a male comes over, your room isn’t spotless.
11. Some bitch stole YOUR seat in class on test day, so there is no way you will do okay on the exam.
12. You have not lost any weight after the two days you’ve spent working out. Why do you even try?
13. You demolished four tacos, two slices of cake, and three martinis in one sitting while the guy you like was present, so he thinks you’re a behemoth now.
14. You are out of your favorite conditioner. RIP good hair days.
15. You don’t know how you’re going to get home after shacking.
16. The shame you feel from finishing all of the good TV shows on Netflix…twice.
17. There is a theme party coming up and you don’t have a full costume prepared.
18. Should you send “K.” or hit him with a read receipt?
19. Who The Bachelor is going to send home next.
20. According to your horoscope, you are going to have a shitty month.
21. The fact that you sat alone in your kitchen eating Jimmy John’s at 3am while you were hammered.
22. How you are going to ever make your Pinterest life your real life.
23. Your lack of contouring skills.
24. How to respond to a text from your ex.
25. Or should you even respond at all?
26. Keeping your social media clean is like trying to tell Miley to behave.
27. You have to drink every time during Never Have I Ever.
28. Finding a date to formal is just as difficult as finding Nemo.
29. How you are supposed to explain your current scandal to standards.
30. It looks like you are trying too hard to look cute in a Snapchat due to how long you are taking to reply.
31. How are you supposed to wear a shirt that actually fits?
32. Why do only creepy guys come onto you?
33. One of your sisters just bought Crocs and you are worried for her well-being.
34. There are five missed calls from your mom.
35. And a text.
36. Do you drink too much?

Take a deep breath and chill out, girl. Life isn’t as difficult as you are making it..

Nice Move479

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

• @kelliestritz
• @kelliemariestritz
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