“College will be the best four years of your life.” These words of wisdom linger in your memory as your jaw drops to throw just one more Jose Cuervo shot down your esophagus. While there are some girls who choose to crawl into their their sheltered habitat and watch Netflix on a Monday night, there are others who can identify as a party girl. You’re a girl who can dance all night, drink all day, and sport a hangover like it’s your job. Raging isn’t a hobby, it’s a lifestyle.
- You’ve been sent to standards at least three times for something related to your “poor actions.”
- Your closet contains more shack shirts/shorts/boxers than one should have.
- Bartenders already have your drink ready with a cherry and straw as soon as the bouncer waves you in.
- Unexplainable bruises and scrapes aren’t surprising.
- There are always Advil, concealer, and breath mints in your purse.
- Your friends are scared to go out just two of you. There needs to be three people so they aren’t left third-wheeling when you start swapping spit with a stranger.
- You use terms such as “Sunday Funday, Margarita Monday, Tuesday Boozeday, Wasted Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday,” etc.
- You’ve mastered taking pictures with your red cup behind your back.
- “Which flask should I use?”
- You’ve been kicked out of a date party.
- Taking shots without your hands isn’t that challenging anymore.
- The only time you are concerned about your phone getting water damaged is when you are grinding on a hottie and vodka spills on it.
- Chances are if you work out, you’ll drink later because your stomach has officially been prepped for alcohol calories.
- One or two of your dresser drawers are filled with theme party apparel.
- Names such as “Pledge Luke,” “Bangable Pi Kapp,” and “Pole Dancing Friend” are in your phone.
- Life without dry shampoo is not a life you want to life.
- People question what’s in your Sonic cup.
- You have no recollection of taking half of the pictures on your phone.
- Multiple frat castles feel like home.
- DJs know you.
- Flash tats and sharpie marks have been still visible when you’ve gone to class.
- Beer pong and flip cup are games for rookies.
- Sunglasses are an essential part of your wardrobe, and not because they are fashionable.
- Guys text you to drink on any day of the week that ends in Y.
- Checking social media on Sundays is a tragic nightmare.
- You have honestly looked on YouTube how to dougie, wop, snap yo fingers, etc.
- Uber is your number one used app.
- You say, “I’m too sober for this” multiple times in a week.
- People come to you first to find out what’s going on each weekend.
- Glitter is a part of your lifestyle.
- Running into guys you shared passionate intoxicated kisses with isn’t even awkward anymore. You’re used to that situation by now.
- When you do wake up at home, the next morning is usually spent trying to figure out what all was destroyed.
- Pool goals: Drink. Swim. Don’t drown. Maybe get a tan.
- Booze becomes a lubricant to share your true feelings towards people. When you sober up you aren’t sure why Ryan keeps texting you asking to “Netflix and chill.”
- You have decorated a funnel.
- Certain shoes are meant strictly for going out.
- You firmly believe that tables and bars are meant to jump up on and try to gain guys’ attention by shaking your ass.
- If you say you are sick people assume that means you are hungover.
- You are single.
What your daddy doesn’t know won’t hurt him, amiright?.
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Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
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