10. Podrick Payne
Okay, so maybe Pod isn’t a lot to look at. He has a major case of baby face and also slightly resembles a prepubescent Neville Longbottom, which is disturbing on so many levels. But despite his awkward demeanor, he’s lovable, trustworthy, and most importantly, apparently incredibly gifted in the sack. For that alone, he makes the list.
9. Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish
More like Petyr BAElish, amirite? Our boy Pete may be a versed mind fucker, but you can’t deny that he keeps it interesting. Not to mention, dude is a silver fox in the making. I usually find myself ethically opposed to arranged facial hair, but Littefinger rocks it the majority of the time (when he’s not creepily hitting on Sansa, his lawful niece). He sort of looks like Anderson Cooper and Taylor Lautner somehow got together and produced a love child, and I’m into it.
9. Jorah Mormont
Jorah is a DILF, and if you don’t think so, there is something very wrong with you. He has a permanent tan, most of his hair, and a blonde beard that will. not. quit. He’s constantly mopey because he’s miles deep in the friendzone, but he sticks around anyway, desperately waiting for a chance to crawl out of it. If HBO doesn’t let me see this guy shirtless before he turns into the world’s sexiest stone man, I will be writing a strongly worded letter. To him. Asking for nudes.
8. Gendry
Gendry, oh Gendry, where the hell has this kid been? We watched him romp away on a sailboat in season 3, moments after an adorably amateur sex scene. I miss the days when he spent his time in a dingy blacksmith shop, working up a sweat and having a bit of an attitude. Arya may have had a rough go of it for a while, but I always envied her for getting to spend so much time Gendry. He was most definitely her sexual awakening, and I’m going to freak the fuck out if they ever meet again.
6. Jaime Lannister
It physically pains me to put Sir Jamie so low on this list, because the man has the bone structure of a Greek god. He looks good with long hair, he looks good with short hair, and he looks good covered in shit and missing a hand. But he regularly fucks his sister, so he has to drop a couple pegs. He can climb to the top when he comes to his senses and hooks up with Brienne.
5. Robb Stark
Robb Stark was by far one of the hottest northerners. Who doesn’t love a momma’s boy with curly hair and a perfect amount of scruff? I definitely think he could’ve landed a much hotter (and less annoying) wife, especially considering that mistake resulted in the death of about five major characters. There’s a lesson to be learned here, lades: Don’t settle for a hard 6 if you’re a 10.
4. Khal Drogo
Another major piece of eye candy taken from us too soon. Drogo had that sexy smoldering look nailed 100 percent of the time, and it didn’t hurt that we never actually saw him fully clothed. I’d kill to have a Dothraki warlord running my bitch errands, conquering foreign lands ‘n shit. Someone needs to reincarnate that bitch. I miss those brows.
3. Grey Worm
Grey Worm is the quiet type, probably because he just doesn’t have the balls to speak up. Lol. Get it? Seriously though, I feel bad for Grey Worm. He’s a genuinely good looking guy with an obvious attraction to Missandei, about which he can do nothing, because oops, he’s a eunuch. Whatever. Ball or no balls, every girl is a sucker for beautiful eyes.
2. Daario Naharis
Why does Daenerys always get the hottest guys? Oh, that’s right, it’s because she’s perfect. Daario is clever, committed, and conveniently played by two different but equally sexy actors. He just has that indescribable quality that makes him insanely enticing, which is probably why he’s bumping uglies with the mother of dragons.
1. Jon Snow
Obviously Jon Snow gets first place. Dude can’t have a civil conversation without someone giving him shit for being pretty. Not only do we know that Jon Snow is a fierce fighter, but he also has a thing for eating poon. Talk about getting yourself a man who can do both. Kit Harrington is pretty much the best thing to come out of England, and that includes the U S of A. I cried when Jon died, and not just because he’s an honest leader who fights for what is right, but because I thought I would never see that gorgeous puppy dog pout of his again. .
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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