It seems like just yesterday “KylieCosmetics” introduced its first line of Kylie Lip Kits by Kylie Jenner. Everyone has been trying to get their hands on them for months, but as soon as they’re in stock, they’re back out again. This girl is actually too popular. TSM. She’s also introduced tons of new shades and expanded from just matte shades to glosses, and metals too. She’s amazing.
The only problem with the kits are their names. They don’t make any sense. So I’ve taken it upon myself to rename them to what would fit better with the Kardashian-Jenner clan.
The Mattes
Dolce K = Alien Dog K
First off, I wonder if that designer name for her dog came at a price. Secondly, don’t get me wrong, I love and care for all dogs, but there’s just something about those creatures that Kylie seems to love so much. You can’t pet it, and it constantly looks malnourished.
Posie K = Peasants K
Kylie said this color was supposed to represent her fans as her “posie.” As if. We see you and Lord Disick refer to the rest of the world as peasants. Don’t pretend you’d let us hang in your squad.
22 = 18
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think Kylie is fooling anyone with this. We know you matured fast young lady, but you’re four years off here. Wait your turn. You’ll be feeling 22 soon enough and you can legally do all the things you’ve been doing since you were 12.
Kourt K/KoKo K = Kim K
The fact that a Kim K variety doesn’t exist is just mean. Don’t forget who made you and your family a thing. As much as you try to hide it, we all see you following exactly in your older sister’s footsteps. Give her some credit.
The Glosses
Like = Download
Literally = My
So Cute = App
Because if the Kardashians are anything, they’re self promoters. Try to get on social media and not see a Kardashian sister teasing you with a cooking video or makeup look that is available ~exclusively~ on her app. Sometimes the concepts look appealing to me, but I just can’t get myself to download them. I won’t do it.
The Metals
Heir = Hair
An heir is someone entitled to someone else’s wealth. Kylie has already built herself an empire so I don’t think she needs that title anymore. Her hair though, that’s a story itself. Rumor has it she has a closet for her wigs. That’s more genius than throwing on a baseball hat.
Reign = Rain
Anybody that had as much money as Kylie would be making it rain daily. Actually I would pay off my student loans first, and then make it rain…
King K = King K
This one is right. The metallic gold represents the crown that should soon be on Kylie’s head.
Comments aside, Kylie is a legend and I’m just bitter that I still don’t have any of these kits..
Image via Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
Nice Move655
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Blackout_B
Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was.
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