I know you all are stressed out about recruitment, and I get it. Whether or not you enjoy rush, there’s no denying that it’s one of the most hectic weeks of the year. No matter how hard you try to prepare, something will always go wrong. That’s just the way the world works, and even though the week is going to stress you out, I’m here to tell you that you need to calm the fuck down. Not because you’re an intelligent woman capable of handling all that life hands her, but because there are so many more stressful things headed your way.

1. College.
2. Not getting a text back.
3. Trying to figure out what you did last night.
4. When your period is half an hour late.
5. Teachers who take attendance.
6. Forgetting to close your bar tab.
7. Getting a creepy text from a number you don’t have saved.
8. Trying to get your head out of a toilet when it’s 8 A.M. on a Sunday and your parents are coming to visit.
9. Living off dining hall food for a year.
10. Figuring out how to spend an entire year with your roommate after you realize you kinda sorta hate her fucking guts.
11. Being late to class.
12. Using a shitty fake I.D.
13. Group projects.
14. Realizing your one night stand is in one of your lectures.
15. Seeing someone you know while performing a walk of shame.
16. Getting a standards for something you didn’t do.
17. Getting a standards for something you did do.
18. Wearing the same dress as a more attractive sister to formal.
19. Cops.
20. Losing your phone and being convinced your nudes are going to end up in the wrong hands.
21. Accidentally getting shitfaced the night before an exam.
22. Being too broke to online shop.
23. Having a professor who barely speaks English.
24. Having a professor who speaks English really well, but is a huge dick.
25. Doing tequila shots after midnight.
26. Bouncers who are good at their job.
27. Getting paired with a deadbeat fraternity for homecoming.
28. Seeing your ex’s new girlfriend and having to act like you’re not dying on the inside.
29. Using community bathrooms.
30. Realizing the guy you’re texting dated one of your sorority sisters.
31. Hangovers that last more than one day.
32. Deciding whether to pull an all nighter to get the A, or save your sanity and pull a C.
33. Dating in college.
34. Being single in college.
35. Really anything to do with boys, period.
36. Trying to do something productive with your life after college has chewed you up and spit you out..

Nice Move276

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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