When it comes to dating, I absolutely believe that chivalry is not and never will be dead. Sure, we bitch and whine about how people don’t date like they used to, but we don’t take into account the fact that times change. Our parents think the way we date is stupid, the same way our grandparents thought our parents were doing it wrong. There will probably come a day when we bitch at our children for their crazy antics and lecture them about how it’s supposed to happen. Then they’ll roll their eyes before hopping in their date’s hovercraft and conceiving an accidental love child, whose dating antics they will one day critique. It’s a vicious cycle.
Though there are certain generational differences, chivalry exists in small, thoughtful actions. When he knocks on your front door instead of impatiently honking his horn from your driveway, that’s chivalry. When he holds the door for you, even if he’s partially doing it just to take a secret peek at dat ass, that’s still chivalry. When he pays for the tab and waves off your halfhearted attempt to reach for your wallet, that’s chivalry.
You know what’s not chivalrous? You, making your boyfriend pay for your meal on your 35th date, long after you’ve progressed from the puppy love stage to the mundane yet comfortable relationship stage.
By making your boyfriend pay for every outing you share, you’re basically telling him that he has to pay a hefty price to be in your presence. I get that some people like to take the traditional route when it comes to dating, but if you’re months deep in a relationship, there’s no reason for you to expect your boyfriend to woo you on a weekly basis. You’re already woo-ed, sister. If you’re at the point where you’ve let the crazy out of the bag and you two still like each other enough to stick around, you need to start picking up every other tab.
But Lucky Jo, you obnoxious twat, my boyfriend wants to pick up the check! No, he really doesn’t. You’re batshit crazy if you think he actually wants to be paying for your three consecutive $7 Mai Tais, on top of your dinner and movie ticket. If it were up to him, the two of you probably would be lounging on the couch, sans pants, for free. And even if he is the type of guy who likes to take you out, nobody likes to watch their girlfriend obliterate their bank account twice weekly. Even if the night is sure to end in savage, rum-fueled sex.
To be clear, I’m not saying you should be picking up the tab every time. What I’m saying is that he definitely should not be picking up the tab every time. You might think it’s not an issue to him because he hasn’t brought it up to you, but you know why he hasn’t mentioned it? Chivalry. He might be too polite to discuss money, but he’s still a living, breathing human who has to deal with bills, student loans, and a money-thirsty landlord. Cut him a break and assume your equality by tossing your card in the ringer once and a while.
At the end of the day, he shouldn’t have to choose between losing his paycheck and losing you. As easy as it is to let him worry about the expense of your dinner, I would start offering to pay after the third date. It’s just polite, and if you like him enough, you need to get with the times show him that he matters to you. Even if that means you have to do something your senile, 85-year-old grandmother would strongly discourage. .
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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